First of all, I managed to get out last weekend for a few minutes without K and picked up a couple dollar store tests. I took one on Monday and it was negative. However, I still haven't started, I'm still having strange symptoms. So if she hasn't showed by mid next week I might take another. Strange.
I scheduled an appointment for next week with a new RE. We'll call her Dr. A for now. I also told my Mom, as she'll be doing some of the babysitting while we attempt to go through IVF again. In the past my Mom wasn't good with all of our IF stuff. It was really stressful. I think I told her a little more information about the process then what she knew, and told her that I may not talk about it that much. It went well.
So, today. We got weather overnight last night. It rained all day and was around the mid 40's yesterday. Then overnight the temp dropped to 18 or so, and the rain turned to ice then snow. We got probably around 3 inches. Not really a big deal. However.
We bought a new car in April, when we thought we'd be staying in Indianapolis, which doesn't get the snow that Northern Ohio gets. It's front wheel drive..... but.... it drives like rear wheel drive in the snow. I made it about 10 - 15 mins out (which took like 30 mins) and had to call K to come save me. I am now working from home as best I can with my work blackberry for email and calling in for meetings. This weekend will involve either buying a new car OR getting snow tires for this one. But we knew we'd need to consider getting another new one in another year and 1/2 or so, around the time that we were hoping baby 2 would come along, as this one won't comfortably fit another kid. Snow tires will cost probably upwards of $1,000, which would SUCK.
We are still mostly living on just my income. K finally started getting some unemployment, but we don't want to depend on it.
I'm stressed to say the least. But, it's all good :-)
Happy Friday!
Showing posts with label IF. Show all posts
Showing posts with label IF. Show all posts
Friday, January 13, 2012
Friday, July 29, 2011
Furloughed
So, it's about to happen. K is going to be out of a job.
He works for a cargo airline, and has his whole adult life, ever since he got out of school and got his A&P license. The two companies that he has worked for in that time frame both flew for BAX global, or Burlington Air Express, or Deutsch Bond... however you may be familiar with them. (you may remember Burlington from many years ago, getting in trouble for running tests on their train drivers before being hired to make sure that they were not predisposed to things like carpal tunnel... then refusing to hire them if they were).
So, back in 2001 the first carrier he worked for lost their contract with BAX global, and went into bankruptcy. They left T town and eventually went under completely (I believe). So, the contract that they lost went to the carrier that he works for now. First he worked in their Stores room (parts man basically) because it was all right after September 11 and NO ONE was hiring mechanics. He did that for about a year and became a mechanic again. Then he became a pilot for them just in 2010.
BAX got bought out by Deutsch Bond a couple of years ago because they weren't doing real well.
Over the weekend we found out that as of September 1, 2011, BAX is closing their doors. All of the mechanics that work for the company are done on that day.
We were hoping that he would maybe have a job through the end of the year, as they have found some work for most of the fleet of airplanes.
BUT. K is low man on the totem pole. They do seniority based on age+years of service. K has been with the company almost 10 years (10 years in December), but he is only 32. So that makes him 42 for seniority. All the other pilots are in their upper 40's and older. So, low man.
Which means he's the first to go.
A good friend of his, which also happens to be president of the union, called him last night. He felt horrible because two of his best friends (K being one of them) are about to be out of jobs. He basically said that K will probably fly in August, but that will be it. No severance, just no job.
So, we are cancelling our vacation for next month. We are looking at where we can pare things down to save some money. We are going to figure out how long we can continue to pay for daycare before we have to pull her out. We want to give enough time so that K can get his CFI (certified flight instructor) as he doesn't really have enough hours as a pilot yet to get a job with a big carrier. Then give him a little time to try to find a job, before we pull her.
Oh yeah, and that money we have been saving up for IVF? That's going to go to paying bills now. (Katery - I know you asked about going straight to IVF in the past... yes, we have to. K's last SA had only about 600,000 swimmers, with only about 30% motility and like 5% morphology. So it's a waste of money to do IUI, unless we use donor sperm).
I'm really really bummed about this all. I mean, I'm not real worried about him being out of a job, it will be nice to have him home more. I know with him home we can be real good about removing some wasteful spending from both of us.
But I don't really want to put off fertility treatments. We can't decide if we cancel the appointments, reschedule, or keep them. He is thinking that he wants to work any OT if they actually offer it to him in August, to try to help out with money.
I just don't know what to do. I'm honestly a little heartbroken over the whole thing.
The positive? I don't have to worry about weaning Bug if we postpone treatments some. That's the silver lining if ever there was one!
Well, back to work. I'll have to stress about it more later :-)
He works for a cargo airline, and has his whole adult life, ever since he got out of school and got his A&P license. The two companies that he has worked for in that time frame both flew for BAX global, or Burlington Air Express, or Deutsch Bond... however you may be familiar with them. (you may remember Burlington from many years ago, getting in trouble for running tests on their train drivers before being hired to make sure that they were not predisposed to things like carpal tunnel... then refusing to hire them if they were).
So, back in 2001 the first carrier he worked for lost their contract with BAX global, and went into bankruptcy. They left T town and eventually went under completely (I believe). So, the contract that they lost went to the carrier that he works for now. First he worked in their Stores room (parts man basically) because it was all right after September 11 and NO ONE was hiring mechanics. He did that for about a year and became a mechanic again. Then he became a pilot for them just in 2010.
BAX got bought out by Deutsch Bond a couple of years ago because they weren't doing real well.
Over the weekend we found out that as of September 1, 2011, BAX is closing their doors. All of the mechanics that work for the company are done on that day.
We were hoping that he would maybe have a job through the end of the year, as they have found some work for most of the fleet of airplanes.
BUT. K is low man on the totem pole. They do seniority based on age+years of service. K has been with the company almost 10 years (10 years in December), but he is only 32. So that makes him 42 for seniority. All the other pilots are in their upper 40's and older. So, low man.
Which means he's the first to go.
A good friend of his, which also happens to be president of the union, called him last night. He felt horrible because two of his best friends (K being one of them) are about to be out of jobs. He basically said that K will probably fly in August, but that will be it. No severance, just no job.
So, we are cancelling our vacation for next month. We are looking at where we can pare things down to save some money. We are going to figure out how long we can continue to pay for daycare before we have to pull her out. We want to give enough time so that K can get his CFI (certified flight instructor) as he doesn't really have enough hours as a pilot yet to get a job with a big carrier. Then give him a little time to try to find a job, before we pull her.
Oh yeah, and that money we have been saving up for IVF? That's going to go to paying bills now. (Katery - I know you asked about going straight to IVF in the past... yes, we have to. K's last SA had only about 600,000 swimmers, with only about 30% motility and like 5% morphology. So it's a waste of money to do IUI, unless we use donor sperm).
I'm really really bummed about this all. I mean, I'm not real worried about him being out of a job, it will be nice to have him home more. I know with him home we can be real good about removing some wasteful spending from both of us.
But I don't really want to put off fertility treatments. We can't decide if we cancel the appointments, reschedule, or keep them. He is thinking that he wants to work any OT if they actually offer it to him in August, to try to help out with money.
I just don't know what to do. I'm honestly a little heartbroken over the whole thing.
The positive? I don't have to worry about weaning Bug if we postpone treatments some. That's the silver lining if ever there was one!
Well, back to work. I'll have to stress about it more later :-)
Wednesday, July 6, 2011
I did it
I got up the nerve and took the plunge. I made two consult appointments with RE's. August 16 and 17. I have one more to schedule, that I've heard good things about too, so will try to get that one scheduled soon.
We are nervous and excited. Even as I've struggled at times with being home without K, I know we can do it. We talked about it this last time he was home, and we are both feeling nervous but excited. We recognize the difficulties that we'll face with 2 (or more) and him gone a lot. We agreed that there is some concern, even a little fear, with both of us over the potential for multiples, but that will possibly just affect our decision on the number of embies we put back.
We have been discussing that he may try to look for a new job after his contract is up, something that will keep him home more. I hope that happens, but as of today, I'm ready to move forward and be a part time single parent of more than just my buggie.
If I can say this in the heat of her crazy, inconsolable teething, then I know it's right.
When I dialed the phone for the first one, I was shaking. I knew the leap we were taking by just making this call. I actually talked to a live person RIGHT AWAY. No phone tree, no picking options, nothing. It caught me off guard. She was SO nice, and said that after we talked to the doc they would request the records that he wants from our last RE back home. This is good, as the last RE charges a TON for me to get our med records. As she pointed out - things like K's SA they will re-do anyways if it's over a year old. Yes, it means that the initial visit will be without this information, but I remember lots, and have a lot still written down. I'll take it in that way for now.
After setting up the appointment, my heart started doing pitter patters. It was like it was preparing itself for this journey, but in a good way.
I can't believe that in just over a month we will be looking at heading down this path for baby number 2!
Secondary infertility, you will not win. We will overcome you, we will rise above, and even if we have failures along the way, we will be stronger than we were before. I have Primary infertility to thank for that. Once I got over your grief, and the curve balls you threw at me, I learned to stand taller, and take whatever comes my way.
After all, I do happen to love lemonade. Bring on the lemons!!!
We are nervous and excited. Even as I've struggled at times with being home without K, I know we can do it. We talked about it this last time he was home, and we are both feeling nervous but excited. We recognize the difficulties that we'll face with 2 (or more) and him gone a lot. We agreed that there is some concern, even a little fear, with both of us over the potential for multiples, but that will possibly just affect our decision on the number of embies we put back.
We have been discussing that he may try to look for a new job after his contract is up, something that will keep him home more. I hope that happens, but as of today, I'm ready to move forward and be a part time single parent of more than just my buggie.
If I can say this in the heat of her crazy, inconsolable teething, then I know it's right.
When I dialed the phone for the first one, I was shaking. I knew the leap we were taking by just making this call. I actually talked to a live person RIGHT AWAY. No phone tree, no picking options, nothing. It caught me off guard. She was SO nice, and said that after we talked to the doc they would request the records that he wants from our last RE back home. This is good, as the last RE charges a TON for me to get our med records. As she pointed out - things like K's SA they will re-do anyways if it's over a year old. Yes, it means that the initial visit will be without this information, but I remember lots, and have a lot still written down. I'll take it in that way for now.
After setting up the appointment, my heart started doing pitter patters. It was like it was preparing itself for this journey, but in a good way.
I can't believe that in just over a month we will be looking at heading down this path for baby number 2!
Secondary infertility, you will not win. We will overcome you, we will rise above, and even if we have failures along the way, we will be stronger than we were before. I have Primary infertility to thank for that. Once I got over your grief, and the curve balls you threw at me, I learned to stand taller, and take whatever comes my way.
After all, I do happen to love lemonade. Bring on the lemons!!!
Monday, June 6, 2011
Well, it's Monday
And I do have to say, that my weekend of working on getting Bug to fall asleep on her own only went somewhat stressfully. Is that a word? It is now!
Well, I've been nursing Bug to sleep since she was born. It has not been an issue until recently. Between being sick and teething, she forgot how to self soothe. This was not good. I dealt with it for over 2 months, and it was very tiring. Then it seemed to carry on, for no good reason. So, starting on Friday, I started to switch up her bed time routine. Nurse first, then bath (if it's bath night), baby massage, medicine, story and cuddle time. Then, put her in bed drowsy, but awake. Now, we've built 10 months of a routine, so I recognize it'll take a bit to change it. So, when I put her in the crib I give her a lovey, and pat her butt and sing to her. I'm not a CIO mama. (not that I've never let her CIO when I just needed a minute, after all, I'm only human). Friday she wanted to hold onto my arm instead of the lovey, but by last night it was almost OK for me to take my arm away.... Almost. She still kinda had a hold on it. But it's going quicker, and even better than that, she seems to be handling her during the night waking better (oh boy, I hope I'm not jinxing myself). Now, it's not that she hasn't awakened, it's just that I go to her door and sing to her if she ramps up to upset. I don't nurse her until 4ish if she wakes up around then. Like I said, baby steps. I wake up hungry in the middle of the night, so I'm sure she might too. So, no point to totally night wean her until she is ready to do so.
Work today was a bust. We had a big storm come through Saturday night (I mean, big, the thunder that was rolling every minute or so set off the baby monitor!!!), and it somehow kicked out our connection with the server back at corporate. Needless to say we were down until about noon, so this afternoon was tough to get through.... I hate days that start out like that.
On a good note, our house back home is rented! I almost posted a vent post on Friday about it, but decided to cool down first. Let's just say I'm not at ALL impressed with our management company. We just felt like they didn't keep us in the loop at all. We happened to bring this renter to them, and we found out that it was rented out by this RENTER calling us. Yep, the renter, not the management company. I ended up calling them, and we got the lease late Friday. K actually called them back because I didn't even think about the utilities being switched out, so they got a piece of mind from him when he called them back. He flat out told them that he was not happy with their service, and if nothing changes then in a year we'll be leaving. Felt good.
Ahhhh, so now I can really actually save a little cash for IVF. That makes me happy, and nervous all in the same. I keep putting off calling these couple of RE offices to set up consults, I think I'm scared to take that first step. Two reasons really, one because once you take that step, it's like jumping off a building - there's no going back. Once we meet with them everything will start rolling and before I know it I'll be a human pincushion again. (which, by the way, I'll have to actually learn to give myself the shots this time around - all the other cycle's K gave them to me! But, that was before he was on the road so much!!!).
I recently started following a blog that has been out there for a bit (Infertile Myrtle), and she recently cancelled an IUI because she realized that she just wasn't ready to parent a second child. I think I feel that fear a little bit, and that's another reason I haven't made the call yet. It's so tough with just one baby, financially and emotionally, am I really sure that I'm ready for number 2? With K being gone more than half the month, I'll be dealing with two young one's all by myself.
We had agreed to start around Bug's first birthday because we recognize new RE means they have to learn us all over again. The way I respond to meds leads us to believe that it could possibly take a few cycle's before we get it right and make it to an ER and ET. So, it could be a year! Then the 40 weeks of pregnancy, and the kiddos would be about 3 years apart. We don't want them anymore than that. Which makes methink KNOW that I can handle 2 young 'uns.
I think the biggest fear is that it would actually work the first time and we would end up with twins or something. THAT's what scares me the most. Not just 2 young 'uns, but what if we get multiples? Can I really handle it?
I know, I know, I gotta talk to K about it. I will, I promise, just not when he's on the road.
Off to pick up Bug from daycare.
Emms
Well, I've been nursing Bug to sleep since she was born. It has not been an issue until recently. Between being sick and teething, she forgot how to self soothe. This was not good. I dealt with it for over 2 months, and it was very tiring. Then it seemed to carry on, for no good reason. So, starting on Friday, I started to switch up her bed time routine. Nurse first, then bath (if it's bath night), baby massage, medicine, story and cuddle time. Then, put her in bed drowsy, but awake. Now, we've built 10 months of a routine, so I recognize it'll take a bit to change it. So, when I put her in the crib I give her a lovey, and pat her butt and sing to her. I'm not a CIO mama. (not that I've never let her CIO when I just needed a minute, after all, I'm only human). Friday she wanted to hold onto my arm instead of the lovey, but by last night it was almost OK for me to take my arm away.... Almost. She still kinda had a hold on it. But it's going quicker, and even better than that, she seems to be handling her during the night waking better (oh boy, I hope I'm not jinxing myself). Now, it's not that she hasn't awakened, it's just that I go to her door and sing to her if she ramps up to upset. I don't nurse her until 4ish if she wakes up around then. Like I said, baby steps. I wake up hungry in the middle of the night, so I'm sure she might too. So, no point to totally night wean her until she is ready to do so.
Work today was a bust. We had a big storm come through Saturday night (I mean, big, the thunder that was rolling every minute or so set off the baby monitor!!!), and it somehow kicked out our connection with the server back at corporate. Needless to say we were down until about noon, so this afternoon was tough to get through.... I hate days that start out like that.
On a good note, our house back home is rented! I almost posted a vent post on Friday about it, but decided to cool down first. Let's just say I'm not at ALL impressed with our management company. We just felt like they didn't keep us in the loop at all. We happened to bring this renter to them, and we found out that it was rented out by this RENTER calling us. Yep, the renter, not the management company. I ended up calling them, and we got the lease late Friday. K actually called them back because I didn't even think about the utilities being switched out, so they got a piece of mind from him when he called them back. He flat out told them that he was not happy with their service, and if nothing changes then in a year we'll be leaving. Felt good.
Ahhhh, so now I can really actually save a little cash for IVF. That makes me happy, and nervous all in the same. I keep putting off calling these couple of RE offices to set up consults, I think I'm scared to take that first step. Two reasons really, one because once you take that step, it's like jumping off a building - there's no going back. Once we meet with them everything will start rolling and before I know it I'll be a human pincushion again. (which, by the way, I'll have to actually learn to give myself the shots this time around - all the other cycle's K gave them to me! But, that was before he was on the road so much!!!).
I recently started following a blog that has been out there for a bit (Infertile Myrtle), and she recently cancelled an IUI because she realized that she just wasn't ready to parent a second child. I think I feel that fear a little bit, and that's another reason I haven't made the call yet. It's so tough with just one baby, financially and emotionally, am I really sure that I'm ready for number 2? With K being gone more than half the month, I'll be dealing with two young one's all by myself.
We had agreed to start around Bug's first birthday because we recognize new RE means they have to learn us all over again. The way I respond to meds leads us to believe that it could possibly take a few cycle's before we get it right and make it to an ER and ET. So, it could be a year! Then the 40 weeks of pregnancy, and the kiddos would be about 3 years apart. We don't want them anymore than that. Which makes me
I think the biggest fear is that it would actually work the first time and we would end up with twins or something. THAT's what scares me the most. Not just 2 young 'uns, but what if we get multiples? Can I really handle it?
I know, I know, I gotta talk to K about it. I will, I promise, just not when he's on the road.
Off to pick up Bug from daycare.
Emms
Monday, March 28, 2011
IVF
Oh my, I cannot believe that I forgot to mention this! BUT, I think it may just deserve its own post.
So, K and I were discussing our IF treatment options this weekend. We did this after we joined a sailing club here in our new home town, after being without a club last year (boo!)...
So, I told him that I kinda wanted to try IVF one more time. Just once. Just to give him a little one that was biologically his.
His answer? So do I.
Wow. That was a big decision that I think we just made really easily. We had already agreed to start counseling before we started treatment, so I am going to be finding us a counselor in the next couple of weeks. We agreed just one try. That if IVF doesn't work this time around, we will go the route of donor sperm and an IUI/AI. It's just not worth the strain (financially and emotionally) to do it anymore than that. Especially after the way we handled it (OK, really, the way I handled it) the last time around.
I haven't told anyone yet. Just you guys know (which I recognize is, like, the whole world wide web, but no one that knows me IRL reads this yet! In part, for this reason!!)
So, I think we have narrowed it down to two options for a clinic. The first option is in our insurance network, and will therefore our office visits, ultrasounds and possibly lab work (if they do it right there) will all be paid by insurance and just subject to my responsibility. I have also received a recommendation for this clinic. They are also close to work, which is very nice (as those of you that have IF experience, I will be spending some time there!!). The second clinic is not yet in network, although I have requested them to be recruited. (OK, and here's where I admit that I am a manager in a contracting department for my health insurance company. I do not handle the area I live in though, so this rep does not report to me, nor will I be making any decisions that would affect their joining, so no ethics issues here). This clinic has come pretty highly recommended as well.
We agreed to at least do consults with both, and go from there.
I'm excited. I'm nervous. I'm hopeful. K told me this weekend that he really does want another baby. This is great news as so do I!
Phew. Wish me luck! We were planning on starting treatments sometime after Bug turns 1, which is in July!
~Emms
So, K and I were discussing our IF treatment options this weekend. We did this after we joined a sailing club here in our new home town, after being without a club last year (boo!)...
So, I told him that I kinda wanted to try IVF one more time. Just once. Just to give him a little one that was biologically his.
His answer? So do I.
Wow. That was a big decision that I think we just made really easily. We had already agreed to start counseling before we started treatment, so I am going to be finding us a counselor in the next couple of weeks. We agreed just one try. That if IVF doesn't work this time around, we will go the route of donor sperm and an IUI/AI. It's just not worth the strain (financially and emotionally) to do it anymore than that. Especially after the way we handled it (OK, really, the way I handled it) the last time around.
I haven't told anyone yet. Just you guys know (which I recognize is, like, the whole world wide web, but no one that knows me IRL reads this yet! In part, for this reason!!)
So, I think we have narrowed it down to two options for a clinic. The first option is in our insurance network, and will therefore our office visits, ultrasounds and possibly lab work (if they do it right there) will all be paid by insurance and just subject to my responsibility. I have also received a recommendation for this clinic. They are also close to work, which is very nice (as those of you that have IF experience, I will be spending some time there!!). The second clinic is not yet in network, although I have requested them to be recruited. (OK, and here's where I admit that I am a manager in a contracting department for my health insurance company. I do not handle the area I live in though, so this rep does not report to me, nor will I be making any decisions that would affect their joining, so no ethics issues here). This clinic has come pretty highly recommended as well.
We agreed to at least do consults with both, and go from there.
I'm excited. I'm nervous. I'm hopeful. K told me this weekend that he really does want another baby. This is great news as so do I!
Phew. Wish me luck! We were planning on starting treatments sometime after Bug turns 1, which is in July!
~Emms
Sunday, January 23, 2011
Infertility.... in general
It sucks. Infertility sucks. Why is it that the one thing that I should be able to do naturally, I can't. We can't. There is something there that stops us. The elephant in the room that at one time we never talked about, but now we do. Which is good. But..... that doesn't stop it from sucking. It's feeling empty, it's feeling like you are failing. It's being a part of a club that is exclusive but you don't want to join, you are made a member even when you fight it with all of your might. The club, as it turns out, is larger than you would expect. According to the CDC, there are 430 clinics in the US to treat those of us infertiles.
The numbers are staggering, approximately 10% of women, or 6.1 million of us between the ages of 15-44 have difficulty getting or staying pregnant.
Wow. That's a lot.
7.5% of sexually active men have reported a visit to help with concieving a child. Of those, 18.1% were diagnosed with a male related infertility problem. Wow, that's what we fall into.
I don't want to be in that category. I don't want to be one of those statistics. Can't I give it back? I want to! I don't like being here! It sucks, the sign on the club door should tell us to stay away, but we can't, it's like an invisible force that draws us in.
The want to be parents.
For me, it was almost a need. It was the culmination of everything that I made right in my life after all that I had done wrong. It was my opportunity to show the world that I made it to where I wanted to be, and I was going to be able to raise a child to be a good person.
So why did the universe have other idea's in mind? Why did I have to fall in that statistic? Did I mention that I don't want to be a statistic? Especially part of this one!
Infertility broke me. It made me become the person that I never wanted to be. I became the adult version of my teenage years because I didn't know how to handle it, and no one around me understood except for Kev, and he was dealing with his own issues because of it all. We tried to help each other, but how do you help each other when you don't know how to help yourselves? It's virtually impossible.
So, I found myself a support group after we started going through treatment. They were a great group of women, very supportive, and all dealing with the same thing. The big IF. Here is my first post after our cancelled cycle:
The numbers are staggering, approximately 10% of women, or 6.1 million of us between the ages of 15-44 have difficulty getting or staying pregnant.
Wow. That's a lot.
7.5% of sexually active men have reported a visit to help with concieving a child. Of those, 18.1% were diagnosed with a male related infertility problem. Wow, that's what we fall into.
I don't want to be in that category. I don't want to be one of those statistics. Can't I give it back? I want to! I don't like being here! It sucks, the sign on the club door should tell us to stay away, but we can't, it's like an invisible force that draws us in.
The want to be parents.
For me, it was almost a need. It was the culmination of everything that I made right in my life after all that I had done wrong. It was my opportunity to show the world that I made it to where I wanted to be, and I was going to be able to raise a child to be a good person.
So why did the universe have other idea's in mind? Why did I have to fall in that statistic? Did I mention that I don't want to be a statistic? Especially part of this one!
Infertility broke me. It made me become the person that I never wanted to be. I became the adult version of my teenage years because I didn't know how to handle it, and no one around me understood except for Kev, and he was dealing with his own issues because of it all. We tried to help each other, but how do you help each other when you don't know how to help yourselves? It's virtually impossible.
So, I found myself a support group after we started going through treatment. They were a great group of women, very supportive, and all dealing with the same thing. The big IF. Here is my first post after our cancelled cycle:
I think I'm just looking for someone to commiserate with. We are going through IVF due to severe male infertility due to a medical condition DH had as a baby. There's nothing they can do to fix the numbers. I waited for a year before getting us checked, and that was only after months of DH urging that we needed to. He knew, I didn't want to accept it. Then another six months of going to Andrologist to see what we could do. Finally we moved on to the FC for IVF with ICSI. Started my first cycle, had to cancel two days before retrieval. RE told me that if he gave me the Hcg that I would be in the hospital. I had 60+ follicles with my estrogen at 5500 already, and none were mature enough to take. By the time we would have had some, there would have been 20+ mature and ready, and god only knows what my estrogen would have been at. I love my RE, and I understand why he cancelled, but that doesn't stop the hurt over it. We've been dealing with all this, and I had such a hard time with the Lupron/Repronex mix. He said he would have to change it, but he wasn't sure what he was going to do yet. He said give it 6 - 8 wks for my ovaries to cool down. Depressing. Any one else in the middle of it right now??!! It just Sucks!!!!
The support I got from the women over at mothering.com was amazing. They deserve kudos. But I didn't let them, a counselor, or even Kev and my friends and family help me as I should have let them. Some of them didn't know how to or what to do, but I didn't help them to help me. I became a shell of a person.
So, after our first cancellation we agreed to try again. We just had to wait for AF (aunt flo) to show up. Which she did amazingly quickly. We called the RE, they had discussed my case wihin the clinic and had come up with a way to change my cycle. It was an adjustment to the meds. So I went into round 2 with a new level of hope. Thoughts that it would work this time around. After all, it couldn't keep failing, could it?
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