Thursday, June 28, 2012


So, K and I have camped a few times together in our 12 years together, but it's always been in a pop up camper.  That was the compromise - I grew up tent camping, he grew up campering.  I spent 12 long years trying to convince him to tent camp.  Well, I finally was successful, and last weeks vacation was tent camping along the blue ridge parkway of North Carolina!!

Between work, K not being home due to his work, and Bug not sleeping real well, it's been a bit stressful.  This vacation my mom babysat Bug for the week (eeks!) and just K and I went.  It was absolutely the best vacation we've had in years!  It was so relaxing, so stress free.  We both really forgot about work (which amazed me that we were both able to!)

Neither one of us managed to find the time to really plan this vacation.  We are planners.  So, for once in our lives we had a completely spontaneous vacation.  We knew where we were going (blue ridge parkway) and our starting point (somewhere near Linville Falls NC) and that was about it.  We left on Sunday, a little later than we originally planned, so about halfway there we decided to find a place in VA (about 3 hours or so from our 'starting point') and camp for the night.  So we did.  Then on Monday we jumped on the parkway just before we crossed into NC and we started driving.  We stopped often and explored the overlooks, did some hiking and took our time getting anywhere.  Monday evening we called a friend that happens to live in NC and she ended up coming and camping with us (for her first time) for a few days (as she was on her 'weekend').  We drove around the parkway (approximately 115 miles of the 469 miles that make it up) and found waterfalls, caverns, and hiking trails.  We started at our southernmost point and slowly worked our way north.  Then we stayed Friday night in VA at the same campground, and drove home Saturday.

We have a fun car (a Mazda Speed 3) and took every opportunity to enjoy it.  We got to be adults and enjoy our time together again.  It was really nice because at the end of stims I was too uncomfortable to make love, and then we couldn't for the first 6 weeks.  Then my RE, instead of releasing me from 'pelvic bedrest' told to me to wait to talk to my OB, which of course was just a couple of weeks ago.  So our vacation was our first time in a few months, and it was VERY MUCH NEEDED (I know, probably TMI).

So, here are some pictures that I took on my cell for you to enjoy of our vacation!

On the initial drive down (the worst of the weather - it was awesome after this.  Sorry about the size on a couple of them!):







And the little imp that made me SO happy to see when we got home:

Sunday, June 24, 2012

Happy Anniversary to the love of my life

Dear K,

The day we met, I didn’t yet realize that you were ‘the one.’  But it didn’t take long after to know it for sure.  The day you proposed to me was one of the best days of my life, my heart felt so full, so right.  Those first couple of years were rough in a way that you might not have even realized ~ an Addict getting over an addiction doesn’t happen overnight, it takes time, energy and effort.  Do you remember that night in New York?  We’d only been dating for a short time, it was our first vacation together.  I had a breakdown halfway back to our hotel.  I don’t even remember what the issue was, but I know it had something to do with the addiction.

See, that’s the funny thing about addiction.  It never really goes away.  It gets better, sometimes you find yourself missing the fuel that feeds the addiction.  But the addiction is still there.  I was an addict, that means I am an addict, and will be forever.  Even if I did fight off those dusty old demons at the tender age of 19.  And you know what?  You never cared.  You decided that you liked the ME that I really was, regardless of those demons.  You accepted me, wounded heart, soul and all.

So many months (ok, not really that many) later you proposed.  I was the happiest mind, heart and soul around.  I sometimes still worried about relapsing, but I never spent too much time worrying about it.  I had life to live!  Love to make!  Fun to have!!

The year we got married was an amazing year.  Sure, there were some moments that we probably drove each other nuts, but you know what?  I don’t remember them, at all.  I remember knowing that I was marrying the man of my dreams, the man that I was destined to be with.  The man who could see through the veil that I liked to try to cover the real me with, and LOVED what he saw.  It was never a problem for you to break down the barriers I had built around me.  They were there to protect me, and in a few times already in our young love they almost forced out the man who would allow me to be me.  Thank you for never letting that happen, thank you for keeping up the fight to keep those walls torn apart.

On that day, walking down the aisle, I imagine that neither of us had any clue what lie ahead.  The troubles, the road blocks and near misses, the almost disasters.  How could we?  We had the world at our fingertips, love in our hearts, a little money in the bank and our whole lives ahead of us!  We were so young!  Those first few years were absolutely amazing, when we got to see each other that is.  But the crazy schedules were OK, we were used to it, and we always took time for ourselves.  The little things that you always did meant so much to me.  Like after opening your much loved Diet Pepsi that you’d been hoping for, and giving me the first sip.  Or dealing with no meat eating at home because I was still a vegetarian (what was I thinking?).  I remember you getting me the puppy I wanted so bad, and finding the two of you passed out together on the couch the day you brought her home.  You spent so much time with your sister in those early years because we were friends, and I imagine that it wasn’t always easy, but you did it with a smile.  You dealt with me helping out my brother financially with hardly a word, because you knew how much I craved the sibling relationships that you had, but never got myself.  I always loved the way that you would jump right out of bed in those first few years.  Man did I ruin that – stupid snooze, I apologize. 

We had so much fun!  We worked, went to school and at times drank too much.  We found our love of boating, and made a million good time friends at a sailing club.  We stayed up late and slept in, then spent the day doing laundry and homework.  We stressed that school would never end, but then one day it did.

I never dreamed that the day we decided to start a family would end up causing so much pain and suffering for us years later.  I am so sorry for those difficult times that we were very unprepared for.  But here I won’t dwell on the bad, only the good.  I am not sorry that we now have a beautiful, independent, stubborn, smirk like her daddy little girl.  She is the light of our lives, and the way you treat her like a princess will prepare her for years of good relationship choices.  It will hopefully end in her marrying someone with similarities to her daddy, because he is such a good man.

Today, as I sit here and reminisce on these times I see just how far we have come.  We made it through the good times and the bad, the difficult and easy.  We’ve spent money where we shouldn’t, and some where we should.  We’ve eaten out too much and stayed in too much.  We’ve enjoyed the miracles of lightening bugs in our own backyard.  We’ve camped close to home, and flown over to Europe.  These memories are amazing, they make me the person I am, and the couple we are.  They are the world to me, and I am so grateful to have them, to have made them with you.

Happy Anniversary Baby.  10 years is amazing, I look forward to the next 10 and beyond!!

(This was to be posted on Friday, June 22.  I forgot to auto set it to post before we left on vacation, so happy anniversary to K, 2 days late.  I'll post about vacation later!)

Tuesday, June 12, 2012


We had our first OB appointment.  I have been doing pretty good since my last post, but I have let the fear creep in when I wasn't paying close enough attention and let my guard down.  So, today was magical.  She warned me that they might not be able to hear the heartbeat on the doppler yet, but said if we didn't we'd check by ultrasound.  As it turns out it didn't matter.  Immediately upon putting the doppler on my stomach our newest little ones heartbeat came through loud and clear.  She didn't even have to look for it, she got it right on her first try.

Amazing.  Lovely.  Perfect.

In 30 weeks, we are having a baby.