Wednesday, April 23, 2014

Extended pumping

I mentioned in a prior post that I’ve been pumping for a while.  I pumped for 12 months with Bug, and so far 15 months with Goose. I had a huge oversupply with Bug, so even though I stopped pumping on her birthday, she continued to get pumped milk in a sippy until she was 24 months old (not for every sippy as she had whole milk too).  I actually even still donated a bunch (since we moved 5 ½ hours away after I stopped pumping) as I was nervous the milk wouldn’t make the move.  Either way, in the state we lived when Bug was a baby, they moved to the toddler room in daycare at 12 months-ish (she moved at around 13 months just because she wasn’t ready).  And the state disallowed you to bring in your own food/drinks after moving to toddler rooms, so she could no longer have pumped milk at daycare. Now, in the big OH they move to an ‘infant 2’ room instead of direct to a toddler room.  Goose has actually already been in the infant 2 room for a bit since you know, he’s a mover and shaker (did I mention he started walking at 10 months??).  Since he’ll be there for a while I’ll be able to continue to give him pumped milk at daycare even after I start mixing in whole milk.  I’m excited about that.  And that is what will keep me pumping for a few more months instead of weaning from the pump at a year like I did with Bug. But today I went to pump for the first time at work and realized I’m really sick of pumping.  I mean, I love that he gets the good stuff, I love that I am able to share (I’m giving some of the older stuff to a mom that I’ve already donated to at Christmas time – that way I can make sure nothing ages out before he drinks it all, but that’s also why I plan on pumping a little longer), and I love that what I’m doing is so good.  But. It takes so much time.  Right now I'm down to pumping 2 to 3 times a day.  It involves getting up early and taking a lot of time out of my day to do it.  Plus all the washing of bottles and pump supplies. I’m over it. But alas, I will not quit yet.  I’ll continue to pump 2 to 3 times a day for a while longer, then cut out another session, do that for a while then cut out another, etc. I'm guessing around 17 months I'll wean completely. But My initial plan was to be weaned from the pump by the time he was 14 months and that didn't happen ha ha. I haven't started him on whole milk yet as daycare continues to give breast milk. I'm not sure when I'll do that. He actually only nurses 1 or 2 times a day during the week, and sometimes 3 or 4 times on the weekends. I just hope he doesn't self wean anytime soon. I surprise myself that I plan on pumping longer this time around.  I haven’t had the insane supply like I did with Bug and I think that’s part of it.  So I want to get rid of old stuff so that I know it’ll get used timely, but then it’ll take me longer to build the supply back up.  I don’t want to wean from the pump until I have a full deep freeze again. I will continue to do what I know is best for my little guy.  He’s (one of) my rays of sunshine, and he deserves the best. So the best he shall get.

Friday, April 18, 2014

Don't pump if you have to poop

This really goes for BFing too.  And I bet you all know this already.  But you get to hear anyways. Because what fun is it if I’m not way oversharing on my little portion of the internet? So I’ve been pumping for a total of 27 months between 2 kiddos.  I have breastfed for a total of 34 months between 2 kiddos.  I’ll pump 2 to 3 times a day for another month, and then slowly wean it down, thinking that I’ll wean off the pump in 2 maybe 2 ½ months.  I’ll breastfeed until he self weans. But the point.  We all know that BFing, and therefore pumping, causes you to have little contractions.  Most of the time I bet most of us don’t even notice them (at least not after the first days/weeks).  But it continues to happen. And for someone who is very, well, regular such as myself, these contractions can be problematic if not timed appropriately.  Let’s just say that I do not BF or pump if I gotta go.  You know?  It’s just safer that way. So the other day I was getting ready to pump at work for the first time of the day.  Which meant 1more time after that.  And I thought to myself that I should go to the bathroom first, but well, I was at work, it was the middle of the day and I was busy.  I didn’t have to really go, so I thought I was safe. Suffice it to say that I had to STOP pumping before I was done and walk as quickly as possible to the bathroom.  Hoping I wouldn’t get any questioning glances. Yeah, I won’t make that mistake again! First world problems :)

Monday, April 14, 2014


April 14th. It's my birthday! I'm 34 years old today, and life is great. We get possession of our new home in 2 weeks. We get to move from a place we despise to one we love. We get to save some money, cut off commute time, and call a place our own again. Bug will turn 4 soon, and she's growing up so fast. Goose amazes me every day as he proves he is so different from his sister. We've struggled financially recently but I see a light at the end of the tunnel. I'm going back to school in August. I've put off my masters for years, and now it's time. We will celebrate our 12th wedding anniversary this year. And I've been promised a night out at the melting pot for dinner for my birthday. It's all I want. Life is good.

Friday, April 11, 2014

It really CAN be fun

Goose is a 15 months old now.  He hasn’t cut any new teeth in about a month, but has had a cold during that time.  So his sleep has been a bit better.  Still waking up, but for the most part not a million times a night. So I’m officially almost 2 years out from the stress of going through our last IVF cycle. I’m officially 8 years out from when we first started trying to get pregnant.  And through the miracles of science (and other stuff) we have our 2 beautiful miracles. And in the last few months as sleep has gotten better and we’ve all felt more human, I’ve found something that I’ve been missing now for over ½ of my marriage.  This is not the fault of people, but rather of circumstances. Sex.  No, Making Love. And as it turns out, it really can be fun. It can be meaningful, and sexy, and (somewhat) spontaneous.  It can be devoid of worry and full of smiles and enjoyment of the moment. It is, officially, truly and really, no longer baby making sex.  No longer ‘we hope it will happen so that we don’t have to do IVF for number 2.’  No longer scheduled out based on when ovulation is happening, JUST IN CASE. It’s more like when when we first got married.  No, we are not in those stages of tearing each other’s clothes off any chance we get (because trust me, with Bug and Goose the opportunities aren’t coming out of our ears), but it’s that ‘whenever we have the chance and one/both of us isn’t so overtired that we wouldn’t enjoy.’  It doesn’t matter if it’s on Sunday, or Tuesday, or Thursday or any day in between.  It doesn’t matter if I’m getting ready to ovulate or not.  It doesn’t matter if we were getting ready to walk out the door and the kids are behaving and playing in the other room (oops, did I just say that?).  It doesn’t matter, well anything.  It just DOESN’T MATTER.  If the mood strikes we take it and run with it.  And it’s FUN.  Did you hear that folks?  It’s actually FUN!  After 8 long years of turning something fun into not so much fun we have found the fun again.  We have found each other again.  We are reminded that we are attracted to each other and can have fun with that attraction. Have I mentioned FUN enough in this post for you?  Do you think I may be trying to get a point across? After we got pregnant with Goose it did get a lot better, but there was still the exhaustion of a non sleeping kid involved, so while it no longer had the same stigma on it, there was still something about it that was different. That. Is. All. Gone. It’s FUN, Every. Single. Time. I enjoy him and he enjoys me.  12 years of marriage.  7 years full of TTC and then 1 year of sleep deprivation after the last kid came.  More than ½ of our marriage had this stigma in some way or another. And I always feared during all those years that we’d never get back to what we had, that we’d never view intimacy the same, that it would never be as wonderful as it was when we were blissfully unaware.  I feared we had lost something so magical, and that magic doesn’t just come back into our lives no matter how hard we wish it to – because believe me, during all those stressful, hellish years, I wished for that magic back.  And now I know that I was wrong during that time, that I was wrong that the magic would be lost forever. Because folks, We got it back. And you know what??? NOW, it's better than EVER!!

Tuesday, April 8, 2014

Let kids be kids

OK, I’ll admit it.  I’m type A.  Like seriously Type A.  And I want everything to go my way.  And I always want to be in control. It NEVER works.  Huh.  Dealing with first infertility, and then raising kids (and hey, I’m only 3 ½ years into it!) i have learned that I CANNOT control everything.  No matter how hard I try.  I’ve struggled with that.  More so with Bug as I’ve learned that it won’t work, and I’ve learned to let go of the control and go with the flow.  It’s been hard, but I know I’m doing better. But there are some things that just never even crossed my type A mind.  Bug loves to be a kid.  I mean loves it.  Who doesn’t at this age, right?  If there’s puddles outside, she plays in them.  Jumps in them.  Runs through them.  LOVES them.  And you know what?  Good for her!  I don’t care!  In fact, I encourage it!  Let’s play in the rain and the puddles, let’s get wet and yes, a little dirty.  Let’s have FUN while we allow our children to be KIDS. After every rain I have to take her soaking wet pants off as soon as we get home. And I don't care. The smile on her face, the rosy glow of her cheeks, it makes it all worth it. The other week I picked up the kids from daycare.  We have had a horrible winter.  Lots of snow and cold.  We probably had around 15 or so inches of snow just hanging out on the ground.  Then we had a random day of mid 30’s temps.  Snow melt begin.  The next day it hit mid 40’s.  Snow melt continue.  Then it rained.  Like thunder storms along with those mid 40’s.  Yes, gotta love weather. Needless to say, those 15 inches of snow began to melt, along with the incoming rain. So when I picked them up there was still snow on the ground.  And puddles of water.  I put Goose in the car and Bug got herself stuck in a snow drift.  She called out to me to help, all the while with a big smile on her face.  I just laughed and went back to get her. On my way to do so I heard the woman in the car one spot away from me (the one in between was open) as she was getting ready to put her second kid in the car.  He had been standing on the sidewalk waiting, and as he headed to her he steered very clear of a lake very small puddle.  Like really went all the way around it. His mom proceeded to praise him.  “Oh honey, thank you so much for going around that puddle.  It makes me so proud that you went around it!  I am so so happy that you did so” and went on like this for way too long. That poor little boy is being robbed. Robbed of some serious fun that ALL kids should be allowed to have. Because really, even as an adult, who can say they don’t want to, just once, dance in the rain with the loves of their lives. That’s our chance to be kids again.  Because kids are carefree and like to play in the rain and the water.  They like to splash around and giggle. And they SHOULD BE ALLOWED.  Yes, their pants will get wet.  Yes they may get a little dirty.  We all do laundry, they’ll come clean.  Unless they’re white pants.  And what are you doing putting a kid in white pants anyways?  In the middle of winter? Please moms and dads, don’t forget how much you loved having fun in the rain as a kid.  Please don’t take that away from your babies.  Let your kids be kids while they still have the chance to do so.  

Wednesday, April 2, 2014

The playground of my youth

As I wrote this post in my,heas I digressed a few times.  Yeah, it'll happen when I take pen to paper as well.  Well, fingers to keyboard anyways.

I've mentioned my hometown before, but I think I've only referred to it as T town.  People from Ohio may know where that is, but for those that don't, it's good old Toledo Ohio.

Yep, remembed the good old John Denver song It's Saturday night in Toledo Ohio? yeah, it's pretty spot on, especially as the years passed and the auto industry killed us.

John Denver was the first concert I went to. I guess I was like 7 or so, and apparently fell asleep.  Who falls asleep at a concert? I mean, I know it was John Denver and all, but if he,had,played Grandmas feather bed it SO would have woken,me up, I'm sure of it.  (go ahead, youtube the song, it rocked to my little ears)


When I was growing up we had 4 large indoor malls. And restaurants on every corner.  Literally.  They used to say if a restaurant could make it in Toledo it could make it anywhere.  We apparently didn't like to cook for ourselves.

So many years ago the first mall started to die.  I remember going there the year I got married because one of the last few stores open was a Fredericks of Hollywood.  So that was 12 years ago.  Not long after that it closed and became a parking lot for Jeep i believe.  That wasn't the mall I spent much time at.

Then Southwyck Mall closed.  That was a mall I frequented when I was a little older, late teens to early 20's.  It was crazy and a little sad.  They,ended up tearing it down because no one would buy it, and it was covered in asbestos.

The third mall was Woodville mall. That was my stomping grounds.  I spent quite some time there dating back to my first beauty pageant at 3ish years old. 

This mall hung on LONG after it should have closed.  They were down to just a handful of stores and an indoor skate park.  Part of the reason it hung on was because of the Andersons, go ahead, look it up.  It's an amazing store. It's got everything from groceries to toilets to flooring and everything in between. Great wine selection and knowledgeable staff. 

So apparently they closed that location.  And the mall stopped paying their gas bill because thet couldn't afford it.  So the tenants were using space heaters.  There were holes in the roof they couldn't afford to fix.   Asbestoes everywhere.

So they condemed the place.

Shut it down.

And last month?

They tore it down.

I grew up there.  K literally lived a block away, he REALLY grew up there.

It's so sad to see an important piece of your childhood gone.  I never thought a mall of all things would fit that bill (I actually didn't love shopping), but it did.

And it's sad.

K just told me this tonight.  And it oddly affected me enough that I sat here, with my Kracken and caffeine free diet, and typed this on my cell.

My birthday is in 2 weeks.  I'm only going to be 34, but things like this make me feel suddenly old.  It's saying goodbye to a large part of my childhood.

And yes, that's very sad.