Thursday, February 21, 2013


I'm posting from my phone, so this will be short and sweet. Bug spent 3 nights in the hospital and was discharged almost 2 Weeks ago. It was confirmed to be herpes, so they did an antiviral in her IV and sent us home with a 7 day script. We finished it last Saturday and sometime Sunday she started acting funny again. By yesterday we found some spots so went to her pediatrician, who sent us to an infectious disease doc. We have that appointment today. In the meantime K caught it and is on an antiviral. The doc today wants to see goose as well, so we will see what all she says. Fingers crossed that the spots she has now are a fluke and something else vs a continuation of the outbreak. I have so much more to say, but the time to do so has been eluding me. Hopefully I'll get a chance to write soon!

Thursday, February 7, 2013

The heartbreak continues...

Last night we had to take Bug to the ER based on our Pediatricians recommendation. She was dehydrated. They kept her overnight, and as of 3:30 today we don't know if she'll be able to come home or not tonight.

When I left the ER with Goose I bawled my eyes out. K stayed with her at the hospital. Today he came home and spent a few hours with Goose so that I could go visit Bug. They capped her IV and I spent a few hours trying to get her to drink, but she wouldn't. And if she doesn't, it's another night in the hospital.

Let me back up.

 Last Friday Bug felt a little warm, but wasn't running a fever or acting strange, so we thought it was nothing. We also noticed that she had some bumps on her belly and a yeast infection in her diaper area. The bumps looked like she had honestly just gotten bit by a spider or something.

Saturday, I took the kids and my mom to a birthday party (oh yeah, I feel like SHIT about this, it was for a 1 year old!!). She ate lunch fine. Towards the end of the party my mom (who was minding Bug while I tended to Goose) brought Bug over and motioned to her head. I felt it and she was warm. She had been clingy with my mom while at the party, but that's not unusual as there were a lot of people there that she does not know. So we jetted out of there. She fussed part of the way home, slept the rest. When we got home she was running a 102 degree fever. Yikes. She didn't eat any dinner that night.

Sunday she seemed better in the morning, aside from not eating. As the day wore on she got more tired, more lethargic and started running a fever again. She had more bumps. Sunday night was horrible and K spent the majority of the night with her. Sunday night I found myself running a 102 degree fever, complete with body aches and chills. So I figured that we both had the flu. By this time she also had a cold sore on her lip.

Monday morning she was just as bad. No eating, she would only drink Ensure or yogurt, with a little water mixed in by this point. As was I with the continued symptoms and the inability to even keep a sip of water in my body. By Monday late morning we decided Bug needed to go to the doctors. Her ped only works part time, and not on Mondays, so we agreed to see a different one, which just happened to be our least favorite in the office. K took her in the afternoon. By this time I was starting to feel better, thank God, because the call that I got from Kev made me ill. 

He called and said they gave her a prescription for the yeast infection. Then he proceeded to tell me that she also had Herpes.

My world stopped turning, my stomach was suddenly in my throat and I think I stopped breathing. I had a death grip on poor Goose.  K caught me quick 'that sinking feeling you just got?' he said 'I got it too. Let me finish first.' He continued on to tell me that Herpes is not just the bad type that you think of (which I already knew) but can be caught from anywhere/anyone. She probably caught it by touching something that someone who had a weeping cold sore touched, and then putting her hands in her mouth. Probably her 1 day last week at daycare (although they advised me that they were not made aware of any issues).

He went on to tell me that the first outbreak is typically the worse, and that the INSIDE of her mouth, which I hadn't looked at, was COVERED in sores. Oh yeah, and she's HIGHLY contagious, so we have to keep the kids separated, to the extent of different parents, different bathrooms, different towels for drying hands, etc.

The part that made me really break down in the tears that had been threatening to overwhelm me was when the doctor advised that she was handling it like a true champ, that you wouldn't know just how much pain she was in by looking at her, but that she was, most likely in a TERRIBLE amount of pain. She gives us an antibiotic to keep her mouth from getting infected and her gums from rotting (her breath is already like death from these sores).

Queue tears. Heaving shoulders. I had to make a point of not keeping a death grip on goose as he nursed. Oh My God. How did I let this happen to my little girl? My baby? I know we didn't let it happen, I know there was nothing we could do, but it scared me. Queue additional freak out - the yeast infection down below? It's on the vagina, not the butt, and she's been itching and digging at it. Holy Shit, can she pass it down?

The answer is yes. We have not found any sores there yet, thank the Lord.

Monday night, Tuesday, Tuesday night, Wednesday morning... she keeps getting worse. The tylenol we're giving every 3 hours is now impossible to get her to take. She's thirsty but we're lucky to get a couple of drops of yogurt smoothies or pediasure in her.

So I call the doc to talk to her about it on Wednesday. She's hardly having wet diapers (only 1 minimally wet diaper between 2am weds morning and 5:30pm weds evening, when we again got a minimally wet diaper). The doc tells me she's not 100% sure it's Herpes and Bug's obviously heading to dehydration if she's not already there. Go to the hospital. So we do. She tells us to have them swab a sore to verify if it's Herpes or not, so they do. We won't have those results for another day or 2. She's hooked up to IV fluids to hydrate her. Then I have to leave. Because I have a 1 month old to care for, and I can't be at the hospital with him. I am heartbroken and break down again, huge wracking sobs, while a nurse tries to comfort me and remind me that Bug needs to be there, and we need to be at home. But my little girl, my baby girl, is SO sick, wants her mommy and I can't be there for her.

I'm a wreck. I wake up in the middle of the night with Goose and can't go back to sleep. The house is too empty, too quiet. I just want my whole family home.

Today I got to go visit her while K hung with Goose for a few and showered at home. She was still miserable. They capped the IV in hopes that she would start drinking again. As of my leaving an hour ago, she still had not. K is back with her. He is going to keep trying to get her to drink. If she does, she can come home. If not, she stays another night.

They've added in some medicine that helps numb her mouth in hopes it'll help with the pain and fluid intake. The doc that has been doing her care agrees that she's not so sure it's Herpes, so we'll see. Her age is working against us here. If it is Herpes we have to let it run it's course because the antivirals available aren't really OK for a 2 1/2 year old. If it's not then I have no idea yet what it means.

And of course, my biggest fear? That Goose has caught it. That he just hasn't started exhibiting symptoms yet. At a time when his immune system is at it's lowest point. I'm scared, scared to death of what it could do, what it could mean for him. And I just want my little girl to feel better. She's so contagious that she is quarantined at the hospital. Everyone who goes in her room gets all bundled up in these outfits and gloves. She has a sign on her door, and she's not allowed out of her room.

I hate this.

Wednesday, February 6, 2013

my heart is breaking.......

It's 6am, and after another sleepless night for the whole family my heart is breaking as I listen to my little girl standing outside my bedroom door crying for her mama. But I can't go get her because I'mfeeding baby B and she is very sick. Contagious and we were advised to keep them seperated. So she can't come in and cuddle while I nurse. I hate this. I love you so much baby girl. Please know I'm just making sure your baby brother doesn't get sick. I want so bad to love on you right now.