Friday, May 13, 2011

It's not wrong to wish, right?

OK, so I haven't had my first PPAF yet. That means I've been AF free since Oct 2009. I'm not complaining, I haven't missed it one bit :-)

I knew that I would have no idea when to expect it. I'm still BFing, but now that Bug is almost 10 months old, there's a lot of solids mixed in there.

So, this morning I woke up to some bright red in my underwear. Wow, haven't seen that in like, forever. I've heard all these horror stories about the first PPAF, but leading up to today I had no indication at all that she was coming. Which is really strange, because I tend to have a lot of symptoms: sore boobs, insane cramps, backache, headache, you name it. So, I kinda shrug my shoulders and think to myself that maybe things are changing since I've had the kiddo, and my periods won't be as symptomatic.

Then my infertile brain starts doing the dance. We're getting ready to start the process of finding a new RE, and getting into treatments again, here in the next couple of months or so. So, it dances around, what if... what if this could be implantation bleeding, after all, K and I had a lot of fun last weekend while Nana watched Bug for us (happy mothers day to me!!). So, the timing would be right... hmmmm.... maybe, just maybe I hit that 1% chance of K getting me pregnant... not to mention the fact that it's probably lower since that would mean we caught my first ovulation after having Bug. Ha ha ha. We're not even trying yet (and our trying isn't typical at all!) and here my brain starts hoping.

So, I know it's AF coming, I really do, but hey, you can't stop an infertile from hoping can you. Otherwise, what would we spend our time doing?

Needless to say, I'm not looking forward to a 4 hour drive on Sat, and back on Sun, with my first PPAF. That could really suck. So, maybe I'll just keep hoping ;o


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