Infertility - not part 3

So, we have begun the thought process of baby number 2.  At first we didn't know if we wanted another, but now we realize that we do.  We have had the talk a couple of times now about how we are going to go about it.  Here are our options as we have discussed so far:

AUI/IUI with Donor Sperm
IVF with ICSI

Now, here's the problem.  As you have begun to learn from my first posts about IF, it is a LONG and difficult road.  IVF tore me into teeny tiny little pieces of the human being that I once was.  It left me a figment of my imagination, a fragmented dream.  It took my heart out of my chest and stomped on it then threw it in the gutter.  It washed my soul in vinegar.  It was bad, bad, bad.

So, why would I consider it again?

I've asked myself that question so many times.  First, because I really want Kev to have a biological baby.  I think to myself that I have one child now, so maybe it'll make the second time around better.  Am I delusional?  Sometimes I think so.  I have no idea how it will be.  I have no idea if it will be easier or more difficult because I will have to care for a child while dealing with the side affects of the hormones.  Not to mention the money aspect.  Thousands and thousands of dollars for IVF, where AUI/IUI's can be less than $1000 (not sure how much donor sperm costs though). 

Either way, we need to find an RE again as our other one was back in Toledo and now we live in Indianapolis.  There are lots of choices here, and I have to start thinking about it seriously soon.

We decided we wanted the kids to be somewhere between 1 and 2 years apart.  That means we have to start seeking help around Bug's first birthday.

OMG.  We are halfway there.  Deep breaths.  Am I ready to go through this again?

I must be, it's started to consume my thoughts.  The birth board that I am a part of has so many women already pregnant again, and I am jealous.  Happy for them, but jealous.  Crazy, I know!  Bug is only 6 months old! 

But I LOVED being pregnant.  I even loved labor and delivery!  No, I'm not a glutton for punishment, to me it was just the most beautiful thing I have ever been through.  I want to make it longer before I get the epidural this time, I want to use a mirror and watch the babies head crown this time. 

So, I looked up the clinics in the area.  I want to get their stats, see who has more experience dealing with MFI (male factor infertility).  I want to meet the docs and see what they have to say.  I want to explore the options and the costs.

But we can't decide which route to go.  How do you make that decision?  Try IVF once and if it doesn't work get some donor sperm and do IUI/AUI?  Or keep it cheaper and go right to IUI/AUI? 

Groan.

This is a life changing and very charged decision to make.  IVF failure almost ruined our marriage and us as people the first time around (or first three times).  So I ask myself again, do I think we can handle it?

We agreed we will start counseling right away and stick with it until the conclusion of any treatment we go through, and beyond if necessary.  We have grown as individuals and learned how to deal with hardships, and how to keep the lines of communication open. 

And we have one beautiful, loving, perfect little girl. 

So it will be easier to deal with IVF this time, right?