Labor Pains

One year ago, on Saturday morning, 7/24/10, at 12:30am, 3 days past my due date, I woke up in labor. I'd been having contractions for weeks but it was just the tightening, and no pain. They would take my breath away sometimes, and my stomach would get tight, but they didn't hurt. Well, now I was starting to feel some pain. I knew it was early labor, because the pain was mild. I timed them off and on and they ranged from about 4 mins apart to 20 mins apart. So I tried to sleep through them. Unfortunately, K was back in T Town working his weekend duty, but my mom was staying with me. Called K at 4:00 am. The contractions were getting closer and stronger, but still not too bad. He didn't answer (phone was charging in his car) but he called back within 20 minutes. He was freaked out, after all, I was past due and calling him in the wee hours of the morning! I let him know all was OK, but that he needed to work on finding someone to work the rest of his weekend, and to head home. It's about a 3 1/2 hour drive. He was nervous he wouldn't make it, but I kept assuring him that he would be OK, that we had a while to go.

We got off the phone and I slept off and on for a few more hours. Got up and let my mom know what was going on. The contractions were closer, and stronger, but I was still doing pretty OK. We had breakfast around 8:00 am , I knew it could be my last meal for a while, and it was. I texted my best friend, C, and let her know I was in labor. I told my mom C would call me within 5 minutes, and I think it only took 2. She had told me the day before that it would be really great for her if I could just go ahead and have 'our' baby on Saturday LOL. (her sister was having a repeat C section that Monday, and C really wanted to make it out for me and then back for her sister). She was worried about making it, but I assured her it would be a bit, but to get ready and head on out!

Then I tried to get more sleep as I knew I'd need it. Got back up around 10ish, and the contractions were definitely getting more consistent and more painful. We timed them for an hour around 11:00 am, and they were anywhere between 3.5 and 4.5 mins apart and lasting 60+ seconds. I called K (for what seemed like the hundredth time) to see where he was. He had found someone to cover for him and was on his way, but had just left a little before. He was really freaked out that he wasn't going to make it. I kept assuring him he would. I don't know how I knew it wouldn't be a quick labor, but for some reason I just did.

So I called the doc around 12:15ish, unfortunately my doc was not the on call doc. My mom still laughs at me for how I started that conversation, the 'I think I might be in labor' conversation, even though it was pretty obvious that I was. The doc asked the basic questions about the contractions - time between, length of, etc etc. Her last question to me was if they were getting hard to breath through, well, heck yes they were! During each contraction I would get up and pace around the room with clenched fists and not talking, trying to breath. So the doc says to me 'honey, yep, you sound like you're in labor, it's time to head to L&D!' My mom laughed when I hung up 'you THINK you're in labor?' Well, hey, I'd never been in labor before, what can I say!

Called K and let him know that I wasn't going to wait for him to go to the hospital. He understood that and just asked if he would make it - I assured him that he would! He said he'll rush. So, I finish packing my bag (yes, I was overdue and it wasn't all the way packed. I only had so many clothes that fit since I got so big!) and we left, with mom driving.

It seemed to take FOREVER to get to the hospital. While on the way, between breathing through the contractions, it really hit me. This is it. The big day. I'm going to the hospital and will come home with my long awaited, much anticipated, baby. I was almost in tears just thinking about it. I was suddenly overwhelmed with feelings that to this day, I cannot describe. I just know that I felt a peace, a calm before the storm. I closed my eyes and remember picturing a little baby in my arms. Wrapped up in a blanket, and staring sleepily up at me. I filled with a longing to move this labor along!!

So, we get to the hospital and head to L&D triage. We get all ready and the nurse checks me. I remember her asking 'how dilated/effaced were you at your last docs appt?' I tell her (it was 1 1/2 cm and about 95% effaced) She proceeds to let me know that I'm still only 1 1/2 cm dilated, but 100% effaced. WHAT?! you have GOT to be kidding me! Still only 1 1/2 cm dilated?! Mind you, this is after having my membranes stripped 4 times, walking, sex, spicy foods, squats. NOTHING helped!

She sent me to walk the halls for 45 minutes to an hour, to see if it would help.

It doesn't.

By this time I had been contracting for about 14 hours, with a building pain level, the last 6 or so hours had been pretty bad, the last few hours really really bad. On the monitors they could see how close and long the contractions were (as they were closer and longer than when we had timed them, just about on top of each other and off the charts ). So they got some more of my history and found that I had cryotherapy about 9 years ago for pre cancerous cells. Apparently that caused a lot of scar tissue build up which was slowing down my dilation. So they went ahead and admitted me. While I was waiting for my room, K got there. Thank God, because by this time I really needed him by my side. I was a little scared, and in a lot of pain. They let me know that because of the scar tissue it would probably take me a while to dilate to about 5 or 6, but around 5 or 6 the scar tissue should break apart and I should go pretty good from there, at least a CM an hour. They got me up into a room and said that they were going to start a low dose of pitocen to try to help me out.

In triage the nurse had tried to get my IV in unsuccessfully three times . So the nurse in the ward got it in on the first try! They got my saline and antibiotic started (I was GBS positive). The nurse said she'd go ahead and call Anesth and get me my epi, I was in SO much pain. I think they were willing to give it to me so early (at only the 1.5 dilated) due to the scar tissue and the fact that the contractions were on top of each other, I wasn't getting much of a break in between. It took the CRNA a while to get it in and it was pretty painful. He kept ending up to the right of my spine for some reason. He ended up having to numb me twice. At one point I felt an electrical shock type feeling down my back and was pretty nervous, but the CRNA said not to worry. I told him I still felt him on the right, and he didn't think he was there. But he pulled it out and tried again, and finally got it in the right place! Yeah! I started feeling better very quickly. It worked better on the left, but still worked on the right, it just took longer and didn't work quite as well. The nurse thought it was perfect too, because I could still move my legs myself, I could flip myself and everything, but couldn't feel the pain.

Sometime during all of this C gets there, and she is BEYOND excited.

Then they started the pitocin to see if it would help break up the scar tissue. It didn't. The on call doc makes it in to check on me, and we LOVE her. LOVE LOVE LOVE her. My new nurse gets there, and we LOVE LOVE LOVE her too.

I was feeling pretty good at this point. I was talking and laughing and smiling with my mom, K and C. But I still wasn't dilating! I had been in labor for quite some time at this point, so around 6 or 7 Saturday evening the doc checked and I was STILL only 1 1/2 cm dilated!! She went in and simply worked the scar tissue to see if she could break it up. She did very easily, and I immediately dilated to a 4, then immediately to a 5. Woo Hoo! At this point she also put in Internal Monitoring as LO's heart was acting wonky. They said to start expecting about a CM per hour, so at that point we knew it was possible to still have the baby that day. The doc then broke my water. Thankfully it was clear - so no Meconium!! Looking back I'm glad I couldn't feel what she was doing, because I have to imagine it hurt.

I was getting really excited now, thinking that our baby would be here any time now!

Those thoughts were quickly gone as I simply labored through the rest of the evening. At some point in time they put me on oxygen, but I don't remember when, due to our sweetie's wonky heart rate. It might have been before or after the doc breaking my water, it's a blur.

As I had gotten an epi, they did a few cathetar drains (TMI, I know). The nurse said after a couple that she wasn't getting much. I, of course, couldn't tell one way or another. By the end of the day, and the last bladder drain of the day, she was thinking that the baby was blocking the bladder and therefore not allowing it to drain properly. Could be.

To be continued...

Teeth? Teeth!

As I've mentioned, I've been trying to get the teeth shots. I thought you might first enjoy the attempts :-) Here goes!!

Here they are - it's hard to see the third one as it's just barely through the gums, but it's on the left side of her current teeth:

Which daughter are you anyway?

So, I've always considered B a daughter. I mean, I know she's a dog, but she was our first baby girl. She ticks me off sometimes but I love her so much. So, part of what we trained her on long ago was how to take treats. She has to sit and can't take the treat being held out to her until the person giving her a treat says the magic word - come.


So, bug and I were at the grocery store the other day. We were at the deli counter getting some lunch meat. I love my kroger because they always make sure they are slicing it like you want, and then give you a piece. Bug loves it too, as she always gets this freebie. So, I get the piece of meat and hold it out to her, then turn back to the counter. After a few seconds my distracted mind realizes I'm still holding it so I look back to bug. She is going back and forth between looking at me and the meat. So what do I do? I look back at the counter at the same time I'm saying 'come.'

Doh!

Was I just sitting there picturing my 80 pound boxer sitting in the baby seat on the cart? On her haunches, panting and begging for the treat?

Now I'm not easily embarrassed, but I felt somewhat mortified.

So I'm telling K this story the other day while giving bug a bath (yep, he rented a car and drove home for like 29 hours!) And I start to tell it and find myself laughing. Deep breath, start again, laugh harder. By the fifth try I'm laughing hysterically, with tears rolling down my cheeks and still haven't managed to spit the story out. K is washing bug and looking at me with this quizzical look. I finally manage to tell it and am met with only the sound of bug in the tub. He's not laughing or anything. All I could say was 'i guess you just had to be there.'

Oh boy.

So I had a crazy dream last night in the 2 whole hours of sleep I got (all me, not bug) was about having another baby. I was in labor at the hospital but in a big room of people on my street clothes. Only K is there and I suddenly scream out that my baby is crowning and the baby slid right out. Apparently my psycho mind decided the baby was part alien because the umbilical cord was coming out of the mouth...um, ok. The baby was 8 pounds 5 ounces. At this point in the dream I am screaming for someone to save the baby. Then someone cuts the cord and the baby starts to cry... at which time I wake up to realize it is bug crying. I nurse her, go back to sleep and have almost the exact. Same. Dream. The only difference is that I'm in a hospital gown and a nurse cuts the cord. So weird.

So, want to say that im working on getting some pictures of teeth. Bug has had other ideas. She has been very uninterested in showing the blogosphere her adorable little teeth. I'll get them yet though, don't you worry!

Oh the life of a pilots wife.... and TTC

So, we have a crazy month ahead of us. K is supposed to be released tomorrow, after being gone for 17 days. We're excited, to say the least.

Then.

Because there is always a Then with a pilot. He calls today to verify his rental car for tomorrow, and they tell him that they can't get it yet. Because, they haven't filled an overtime spot that they posted yesterday, and K is low man on the totem pole. Hello Junior Assigned - again - for the 8th month in a row. Junior Assigned basically means he just gets the crap that no one else wants, and is forced into it, which means more time away from home. They can keep him up to 20 days a month before the union contract stipulates that they have to send him home if he asks. Needless to say, if he's not done by Tuesday, he's going to ask.

Why?

Well, crap. We moved less than a month ago, and he left almost right after the move. So it's just been Bug and Me. I'll bet you can guess how much of my house still needs unpacked? Yep, lots. Not that it's a HUGE deal, we're getting by, and I try to get at least a little done every day.

However.

Let me tell you about my week coming up. I work everyday, until at least 5 - like normal. Then Monday and Tuesday evenings after work we are meeting up with potential babysitters (since we have no one else here to watch Bug, it's about time I have someone when needed!) Wednesday afternoon for work we are going to a ball game (I know, tough day), but who knows when I'll make it home from that. Thursday evening we have a work function that includes spouses...at a ball game (lol). Hence, the need for the babysitter. Then Friday, Nana (my mom) and one of K's friends are coming into town. Saturday my best friend C and her daughter are coming, as well as another friend A as well as K's mom and sister. Almost all of them are staying with us.

Yep, house NEEDS to be unpacked. At least mostly. One of the extra beds isn't even put together yet!!!

Sunday, we have Bug's baptism and a gathering for her birthday.

Monday Monday Monday - my little girl will turn 1!! I took the day off, and some of those out of towners coming in will be staying over too. I'm so excited! So much fun!!

So, why the TTC part? Well, we all know when K's job can keep him up to 20 days a month, it's gonna be a bit tough to make another baby through treatments. I'm not stressing about it yet, but I did have to change one of the appointments for next month from the 16th to the 17th because his travel is on the 16th. I told him he had to really kiss scheduling butt to make sure that he IS HOME for the appointments.

I left a message on Tuesday morning for the third office, and it was a double message. One to try to get them in my network as they are not, and two to set up a consult. Guess what? They haven't called me back. K and I agreed that if they can't call back for this, then how would we trust them with the important calls? So, we're just not going to see them unless we absolutely do NOT like one of the other offices/docs. It sucks because it's the office that came recommended to me. My friend loved the doc, but we all know that means nothing when it comes to the office staff. I refuse to have a crappy office staff at my fertility clinic. There are way too many emotions involved, way to much money being spent, and too much stress as it is - I'm not about to add a stressor of crappy office staff into the mix.  So, we'll do these first two visits and go from there!

I've spent a little time over the last few days putting together the gist of our IF history. Not just the basics (like when and what) but the details as much as I could find... what meds, the dosages, how long, dates... number of follicles, level of hormones, etc. I'm amazed at the amount of info that I still had! Not that they won't still need to get the records, but I'm pretty impressed with myself! I'm hoping this will help the consult go smooth!

OH - I almost forgot! Bug's been cranky lately (remember my inconsolable post?!) and a third tooth finally broke through last night! It's barely broken through, so sleep last night was still crappy, but I'm hoping that it'll be better now - even if only for a little while! She is so taking after me and being different already... First tooth was lower left, second was lower right. So, one would think that her third would be an upper, right? Nope, not my girl. She's got another on the lower left. Yep, three teeth - all on the bottom!!

Here's to being happy it's Friday!!

~Emms

Strange Dream

First, thanks for the positive comments on my last post! I'm very excited, and K and I keep talking about it, and the excitement keeps building!

So, strange dream. Last night. It was way out there. Some background for context (I think I may have mentioned before what I do, but don't have time to go back and see, so sorry if I'm repeating myself). I'm a manager for a contracting department, so my staff goes out and negotiates contracts.

I used to work for my company in OH, then they moved me to IN and promoted me. We built our product and name here from scratch, and are still working on it.

OK, the dream. I was at a big meeting with a bunch of people, including big wigs, from my company. My prior manager (whom I did not, and do not, have a lot of love for) was doing a presentation, and in the middle of it suddenly called me up to talk to her about what else to present. I kept giving her idea's that were numbers based - savings that we were able to achieve in IN, etc. She kept turning them down, so I finally gave up and walked out of the room for a minute. I came back in and found that instead of telling the info I had suggested, she told a story, and showed a video, of me having a roof collapse from under me and falling through.

Really? What was I even doing on a roof? When and where was this? And a video? Then she presented it as if it was the most important thing over our savings numbers to the big wigs?

Strange.

I did it

I got up the nerve and took the plunge. I made two consult appointments with RE's. August 16 and 17. I have one more to schedule, that I've heard good things about too, so will try to get that one scheduled soon.

We are nervous and excited. Even as I've struggled at times with being home without K, I know we can do it. We talked about it this last time he was home, and we are both feeling nervous but excited. We recognize the difficulties that we'll face with 2 (or more) and him gone a lot. We agreed that there is some concern, even a little fear, with both of us over the potential for multiples, but that will possibly just affect our decision on the number of embies we put back.

We have been discussing that he may try to look for a new job after his contract is up, something that will keep him home more. I hope that happens, but as of today, I'm ready to move forward and be a part time single parent of more than just my buggie.

If I can say this in the heat of her crazy, inconsolable teething, then I know it's right.

When I dialed the phone for the first one, I was shaking. I knew the leap we were taking by just making this call. I actually talked to a live person RIGHT AWAY. No phone tree, no picking options, nothing. It caught me off guard. She was SO nice, and said that after we talked to the doc they would request the records that he wants from our last RE back home. This is good, as the last RE charges a TON for me to get our med records. As she pointed out - things like K's SA they will re-do anyways if it's over a year old. Yes, it means that the initial visit will be without this information, but I remember lots, and have a lot still written down. I'll take it in that way for now.

After setting up the appointment, my heart started doing pitter patters. It was like it was preparing itself for this journey, but in a good way.

I can't believe that in just over a month we will be looking at heading down this path for baby number 2!

Secondary infertility, you will not win. We will overcome you, we will rise above, and even if we have failures along the way, we will be stronger than we were before. I have Primary infertility to thank for that. Once I got over your grief, and the curve balls you threw at me, I learned to stand taller, and take whatever comes my way.

After all, I do happen to love lemonade. Bring on the lemons!!!

inconsolable

Bug is. And has been all. Weekend. Long. I think she's teething again, but even when I'm holding her she's screaming her poor little head off. I don't know how to make her feel better, and am really struggling right now with the fact that this is one of those times that I cant make her feel better. Sometimes I can get her to relax on my chest, like now, but it takes a while and doesn't last long. My poor buggie. Needless to say, I'm very tired, and am saddened by the thought that I'm looking forward to work tomorrow for a reprieve. K isn't home until the 15 or so. Then I feel bad for complaining, there are so many people who would give the world to have this problem. I know, I was one of them.

Sorry for typos, I'm posting from my cell.