It seems that I continue to struggle with weaning Bug. I know in part it's because I'm so afraid that I'll wean her, we won't get pregnant with IVF, and then I'll regret weaning her. This is so new to me, someone who, sadly, thought it was creepy to wean past 12 months. We are now almost at 19 months and if it weren't for needing IVF, there would be no end in sight.
Our bodies should work like they're supposed to. I should be able to nurse through pregnancy #2 and let Bug wean when she wants. I should have the OPTION at least to tandem nurse if our relationship would have made it through nursing. Should. Should. Should.
Both Bug and K were very sick last week. I think I might have been the first to have it, but it was short lived for me and I thought it was a mild case of food poisoning. I think it might've been the flu though, as the 2 of them caught it and got really sick for days on end. Once Bug got over the flu she then got the dreaded cold. With her reflux it is taking FOREVER to get over it. So she wants to nurse. We had been down to the just before bedtime nursing session, but now we're back to 2-3 times a day.
I was listening to the song '100 in a 55' the other day and it brought on this crazy bought of nostalgia. I think because the lyrics have so much meaning in regards to what I've been through. Right in the beginning they sing "I still believe that we got a chance, I still believe that we got a chance to be" It speaks to what K and I went through, our separation and then eventual reconciliation. It touches me. Then the chorus in general 'going 100 in a 55 and I don't know why, I'm still alive. But I do what I can but I know I can't take anymore" reminds me of the days leading up to our separation, through all of our primary IF. "I can't go back, I'm in too deep" makes me think of during our separation when I realized I wanted him back, but we were both dating people. Then we worked it all out, and now we are such a happy family of 3 (4 if you include the dog LOL).
Life is amazing. It's hard, but I know that I'll make it through. I know that weaning bug will work out when it's supposed to. I know that when it does we'll start IVF. In a lot of ways I hope it's sooner versus later, but in some I'm OK waiting because Bug deserves to nurse just as long as she wants to.
Hugs to everyone.
Hugs right back atcha!
ReplyDeleteWeaning for that potential next child is hard. I had to do it when Mad was about 14 months. There are all those what ifs alongside the rest of the emotions.
such a bummer that you have to wean, i hope it goes smoothly for you.
ReplyDeleteI wrote a very similar post 6 months ago. Weaning was rough for me and essentially the same situation. I felt like I was robbing Bean of something. I was a wreck and lost a lot of tears and sleep over it. And I do miss it sometimes, but you know what, Bean asked about having "milkies" for about two days after she was completely weaned and she's never mentioned it again or seemed sad about it. She actually ended up weaning herself to some degree at the very end and I wasn't quite ready for it. Essentially, it was much harder for me then it appeared for her. My heart goes out to you and I hope you find a way to make peace with the whole thing. It's a tough situation to be in.
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