Tuesday, January 10, 2012

My heart broke....

At the same time that it was filled up with love.  I know, seems strange, right?

So, K has been staying home with Bug since I came back to work after the move on 11/29.  I knew going into it that it would most likely change the dynamic of our household, at least for a time.  I knew it, and still was not prepared for it to happen. 

I hadn't seen it up till yesterday.  By the time I get home from work everyday Bug just wants to nurse, so she clings to me.  Then it's such a short time between when I get home and she goes to bed that it's a flurry of activity and she never seems to 'prefer' one parent over another.  Same thing in the mornings.

Until yesterday.  She was running around in the morning and fell.  I held back and did the whole not make a big deal out of it to see what she would do.  She ended up crying, so I did pick her up.  Then K walked in and she immediately reached out to him and curled into him so tight. 

It broke my heart.  I've always been the person she wants when she's hurt or not feeling well, and it's so hard to have that change on me. 

But at the same time it filled me up with so much love for both K and bug.  It is so good to see them like this after all that he has missed while being on the road in the air.  The love that he has for our little girl is so amazing, and the way she adores him just melts me.  I love it.

She did make me feel better last night, it was K's turn to put her to bed and after I said good night and walked out she was crying for me and reaching for me.

Big hugs to all the pilot's spouses out there who do not get to spend the holiday with their loved one.  I know how difficult this is, and I feel very blessed that K is home.  I will keep each of you in my prayers that your loved one will return home safely, and that you'll have a great time celebrating once they are home.

I wrote this post a couple of weeks ago and hadn't been able to post it.  Since then we've had some days where she wants daddy more than anything, but the weekends are a little better since I'm home all day.  She actually wants me again.  I love that little girl, with all of my heart!!


  1. I so get that feeling! When baby E first laughed, it was at hubby. I felt betrayed (!) but at the same time happy that he'd given that gift to hubby, and to see the love between them. Still... ;)

  2. We haven't been through this with Fynn, but I remember the burn and the joy when it happened with Madelyn and Dadelyn (yes, that's what I call them... when she isn't insisting on some other name). Now she just yells for whichever parent isn't taking her upstairs for bedtime.