I know that we all go through this when we go back to work after having a baby, the struggles with wanting (or needing) to work, but wanting to be home with your new baby.
Well, all of the sudden I'm dealing with it again. Over a year after going back to work. I know what the problem is, I'm struggling with the desire for my career, and the desire to not be the missing parent. See, as I mentioned in a prior post, my drive time is now about 40 minutes, up from quite a bit less. After work it's more like 45 minutes, and some nights - like last night, it's closer to an hour. I can't seem to reconcile my two worlds for some reason. I leave my house by 6:40 and do not get home until sometime between 5:45 and 6:15. We start the bedtime routine at 6:45 for buggie, she's down sometime between 7:20 and 8:00. I get NO time with her during the week. Then I find myself falling into bed by 9:00 because I'm so tired. So I get no adult time with K.
I feel bad because K is staying home with her right now, and while he's loving it, neither one of us are cut out to be a stay at home parent. So I know he's getting antsy, I know he wants to be out flying. Then I feel guilty because I'm gone All. Day. Long. I feel guilty because I don't get enough time with bug, with K, I feel guilty because I know he's home and wants to be working. I feel guilty because I could use to give some extra attention to work but I want to get at least my little bit of time in the evenings with bug.
It doesn't help that we overdrew our bank account. Badly. It's just going to be a rough couple of months, K doesn't have his unemployment yet, we had to pay 2 rent, 1 security deposit and 1 mortgage payment (and will next month too except for the security deposit), on top of all of our other bills. Plus the house back in T Town seems to be falling apart, we've had to fix the leaky roof but the contractor can't seem to put his finger on what the exact issue is ($1500 there and so far still having problems), plus the plug for the sump pump randomly stopped working and the basement flooded, so now we have to fix that.
I am feeling a little overwhelmed right now, to say the least. It doesn't help that I want another baby, and want to get an appointment set up with the RE.
Ugh. Thanks for listening.