Friday, December 9, 2011

Not sure how to feel?

So first, I want to say Thank you for all of the amazing comments on my last blog post.  With all of the amazing support around me, I know it'll just be a matter of time before I get into this new routine and then all will be better.

So, what I am not sure how to feel about.  I heard this morning that the Duggars had a second trimester miscarriage.  Being an infertile I am torn.  On the one hand, as I've mentioned before, they have SO MANY kids, I mean really, another one?

BUT.  I'm an infertile.  My heart goes out to anyone that has, will, or are struggling with anything related.  Infertility, miscarriage, stillborn, etc.  I suddenly feel an amazing amount of grief for this family that has just PUBLICLY lost their child.  I mean, I think about how difficult it was for me to tell the few people that knew what we were going through about our constant failures, about our IVF babies that were never meant to be.  It broke my heart again and again and again, each time I had to say the words.  At the time the only people that really knew was our parents and a couple of our closest friends.  That's it. 

But to have the whole world know you were pregnant.  To get excited over the life you have growing in you.  She probably was feeling some movement.  To have your OTHER CHILDREN get SO excited over the prospect of this new little being.

Then to have it torn away.  To suddenly have your world rocked with the news that this amazing little miracle will never take a breath on this earth.  How very shattering.  I don't care how many kids you have, that is difficult, life changing, heart wrenching, and PAINFUL.

Today I am able to walk away from my slight annoyance that they can so easily have so many kids.  Today God has helped put things into perspective for me.  Because when it boils down to it, they wanted this child the same as I want a child, and they were able to conceive, and then had to say Goodbye.

Today, and for many days to come, this family is in my prayers as they go through the stages of grief.  Today I realize that even for those of us that have an easy time getting what so many of us want, even they are not exempt from the feelings of loss.

Will it change how they are viewed in my eyes forever?  Probably not.  Especially if she gets pregnant again.  But, it's all about perspective, and a good reminder to not let Infertility dictate how you feel about other people.  They do seem to be good parents after all, even if I don't feel that each of their children get enough parent child time.


  1. I felt so incredibly sad for them when I read that. I don't think it matters that they have 19 kids.. I imagined them getting attached, calling it names, wondering if they felt movement and then it's gone. I don't understand why anyone has to lose their baby...fertile or infertile.

  2. i am annoyed by them in general (being an infertile myself), but losing a pregnancy is always sad, so i do feel bad for them.

  3. I just can't imagine any of it. All of my losses were so early, it was a matter of D & C or no. My heart goes out to their family.