infertile thoughts

So, my period is late. For a fertile woman, this would possibly signal a blessing on the way. For an infertile like myself it means a month of even worse disappointment because i am hoping, and praying, that maybe a miracle happened and i am pregnant. The rational part of me realizes that the immense stress i am under, the uptake in bugs nursing and the fact that i have only had AF back for 6 months is the cause of this delay. I thought about testing, but i cannot handle the disappointment of the negative that i know i will see. It is so tough being back in this position, wanting to be pregnant, not using birth control, but playing the waiting game while we move and find a new RE.

So today i had to go to the doctor for an infection and a lump in my naval. Strange, right? I have no idea how it happened, and the doctor was curious too. She took a swab to send out and gave me an antibiotic. So in the process she asks when my last period was. So of course i had to tell her it was 6 weeks ago and i am late. I quickly followed up with a quick explanation that we struggle with infertility so chances are that i am NOT pregnant. They talked about doing a pregnany test, but i refused. So she gave me an antibiotic that is ok with nursing and pregnancy 'just in case' in her words.

Salt in the wound.

And the Duggars are pregnant again, WTF.

Some of the other random stuff going on:

-i took the GMAT and did HORRIBLE. For someone who graduated with honors in HS and her bachelors, that sucks.

-i have one week left of work here before we move. I am excited and nervous. I am looking forward to the holidays with my family.

-K should be home the end of next week. He has been gone 6 insanely long weeks. I cannot wait!!

-bug slept through the night Tuesday night. But was back to waking up a number of times a night after that. I was thankful for that one night!

I know theres more, but i cant think of them right now.