Sunday, May 20, 2012

Hating Daycare

So, before we moved we were in this great little family run christian daycare.  I knew all the teachers real well, and they all LOVED bug.  I mean really, who wouldn't love the infant and toddler that just LOVED to cuddle? I cried when I gave them our notice to leave.  It was SO hard.

So we found a daycare here and it didn't last long.  K was just getting back into work, so it was OK, we pulled her out and had her at home a week before starting at a new place.  We liked this one pretty good, it is part of a Montessori school.  There is a 1:7 ratio for her age, and there are 3 'classes' in one big room that is separated with low walls so all the kids can kind of see each other.  It's an interesting set up.

But then it happened.  The first bite.  We didn't think anything of it at first, I mean, our hearts hurt because we didn't want her to get bit, but it was OK.  But then it happened again.  And again.  And again.  It started happening more and more.  The teachers weren't catching it every time, so we weren't always getting incident reports.  We would get home and change her diaper or get her ready for bed and find them.  Bug is so sweet natured, this was NOT OK.  So we complained.  A couple of times to the teachers in the room (did no good) and finally to the office.  They said at the time it was mostly one kid, but there was another that had been part of the problem.  Nothing got done.

A new teacher started a couple of weeks ago and K and I starting talking about our options.  I typically pick her up, but he did on Friday, and on his way down the hall he could hear bug crying.  He walked in the room to  find the little boy that we have figured out to the be the one that mostly bites her, and he has her PINNED to the ground, biting, while the teacher is sitting off to the side.  This is NOT acceptable.  K scoops her up and immediately goes to the office to talk to them.  I'm pissed.  K is pissed.  We agree to get serious about finding her a new daycare.  In the meantime, she has to continue going because we have no other options.  So she goes Monday.  I get there to pick her up, and the office manager is in her room.  She proceeds to tell me that she has spent the day there, presumably to figure out what to do to fix this issue.  Then she informs me that yes, Bug was bit, again that day.  I start bawling, tell her it's unacceptable, that we're looking at leaving, and that I'm pregnant again and can't stand the though of either of my babies dealing with this.  She is very empathetic, but it's beyond that for me.

So, bug goes back yesterday.  By 10:00am I get a call from the office manager that she's been bit, again.  She then informs me that she moved her to a different group.  Mind you, this is all in a message.  So when I get there to pick her up I find out her new teacher, whom I like and can tell adores Bug.  I ask her if it's permanent, because I expect it to be.  I kind of fill her in on what's been going on, which she isn't aware of, but she is aware of the fact that I threatened to leave.  She takes me to the office manager to discuss the move being permanent.  She agrees that it will be.

But I'm still done.  We are in the process of finding her a new place, but at least for now the hope is that the bites will stop as she is separated from the little boy who is torturing my sweet hearted little girl.  The last couple of weeks she has been going down for sleep tough, she has started waking up at night again, and has started to cry when K drops her off at daycare.  It's obvious to me that the biting is part of it, she doesn't feel safe there anymore (although admittedly I do also think her eye teeth are finally coming in).

So right now, she has 5 healing bites that you can still see, 2 on her right arm, one on her cheek, and two HORRIBLE ones on her back.  That's just from this week.  That doesn't count the 3 that are pretty much gone from Friday.

Call me judgmental.  I know kids bite, but this, to me, is a cry for attention from that little boy.  Biting some is one thing, but if he is biting Bug this much (sometimes upwards of 7 times in a 3 day period), you know he has to be biting others too.  I have never felt such bad feelings towards a kid that, at most, is 26 months old.  I'm trying to forgive him and ask God to help his family get past whatever it is that causes this little boy to act out.  I'm trying.  But right now, I just feel bad feelings towards him and the way he is bullying my daughter at this tender age.  It's NOT OK.

I blame the daycare for not coming up with a better solution sooner.  I have a bad taste in my mouth now about this daycare, for not DOING SOMETHING until I forced their hand.  But now it's too late.  We are going to leave, it's just a matter of when.

I love my little girl so much, and it hurts me to see her hurt.  (and it's not cool that we look like abusive parents either, he pretty much gave her a black eye about a month ago by scratching her, and all weekend we were stared at like the worst parents ever.)


  1. that is totally unacceptable, i would be pissed and hurt too.

  2. I am so sorry your little girl has gone through this. Finding a good daycare is so hard! I would definitely be looking for a new daycare as well - there is no reason they could not have done something earlier. Hope you find a new one soon!

  3. Oh gosh, I'm so sorry to hear that you're going through this. I actually worked in day care for awhile and there was a biter at the place that I worked. We basically had a person who was one on one with him almost all the time. It was hard to do because staffing is tight, but there was always an extra person around who could be there and we planned people's breaks around his naps. It's not easy, but you do what you have to do to keep kids safe and in the end, our director would have asked them to find another place for him to go if it hadn't gotten better, which it did. It makes me ill to hear that this place wasn't doing everything that they could to keep your little bug safe. I would be right there with you finding another place to take her. They should have come up with some kind of solution a long time ago. I hope you find a new place soon!

  4. Ugh. Childcare has been one of the most difficult parts of parenthood for us. The kid was the victim of a biter, too, though not nearly so bad as poor little Bug! I wondered if it made me a bad person that I sort of wanted to punch a 3yo, or at least his parents...

  5. I am utterly unclear on why the boy is still allowed to be there. I get that he's hardly two, but wow.

    Poor Bug. Poor you and K.

    I hope you're able to get a new place ASAP.