Tuesday, January 6, 2015


It's like it's a dirty word.

A horrible dirty word.

We lost K's dad 9 years ago this month, he passed from sepsis, but it was exacerbated by his morbid obesity and other health issues.

K's mom is a sweetheart.  I really love her and feel lucky that I got such an awesome extended family when I met, and then married K.

Which makes it that much more heartbreaking as I watch her walk the line, dancing from side to side, heading into some type of senility/dementia.

It's gotten worse over the last 5 or so years.  2 years ago she had a blood clot removed from her brain - but it was (thankfully) more on the outside of her skull.  It was right before Goose was born.

Sidetrack for a minute - Goose isn't Goose anymore.  He's bubba now.  I'll tell that story later.


Her memory got worse after her surgery.  It didn't surprise any of us, it was kinda expected based on the fact that she had pretty major brain surgery.

But the last year has been really bad.

About a month ago she went to bed at 8 one night, got up around 10 and put the dog in the car to take her to doggy daycare.  She thought it was morning.  She 'hit a curb' doing '30 miles an hour'.  The airbag went off.  The car is totaled.  It was a 2 year lease, about 4 days away from her turn in date.  She honestly has NO CLUE what happened, how it happened, or really where she was (or if she had gap insurance for that matter).  She went to court.  And kept her license.

Her doctor started telling her 2 years ago that he doesn't think she should drive.  She wants a new car. Every one of her kids (there's 4 of them) have tried (using different methods) to convince her not to.  But she a) doesn't want to lose her independence and b) doesn't typically remember the conversations.  We had a long conversations (2 of her kids and me) with her on Christmas about it, and about all the options she has to get all around so that she doesn't need a car.  The next day she barely remembered the conversation.

For Christmas, K drove the 2 hours to where she lives and picked her up, together they took her dog to doggie daycare, and then he brought her here.  I picked up my brother in law from the airport, and we beat K and their mom by about 10 minutes.  When they walked into the house, my mother in law looked at my brother in law (her son) and said 'Hi, I'm K's mom'  the room went silent.  We all thought she was joking.

She wasn't.

We had to point out to her that it was her son.  It was heartbreaking.

The next day she was telling my brother in law something and she said 'oh never mind, I told you that already when you picked me up.'  He didn't.  K did.

On Saturday the boys took her back home, and picked up the dog from doggy daycare with her.

On Monday, on the 8th call of the day to K (yes, this is normal) she mentioned that her car (that's been totaled) was out at doggie daycare being fixed.  K was quite confused and questioned her about it - reminding her that her car had been totaled.  She questioned then how did the dog get out to doggie daycare over the weekend?

These are only a couple of the most recent examples.  It's heartbreaking, and scary.  She's only 62 or 63.  But her mom had severe dementia, and one of her sisters has just been accepted into a clinical trial at Cleveland Clinic for dementia of some form or another.

We are looking at trying to convince her to sell her condo and move into independent/assisted living out here near us.  We'd see her more, which I think would be good for everyone.  We are the closest to her other than her daughter, who is quite not right - a lot because of her emotionally abusive husband (more on that in other posts).  We are trying to do it from the stance of 'it's her decision' since that seems to be how she seems most receptive.

I'm sad, and scared.  We're in the best position to take care of her.  And out of the 4 kids, only 2 of them really should be the ones in consideration anyways (did I mention that the oldest son wouldn't fly out to see her after brain surgery even though the youngest brother was going to pay for the ticket???)

Any suggestions?  Idea's on how in the world to convince her to sell her condo and move here?  We gotta make it happen.  Otherwise people, I honestly fear for her safety and wellbeing.

1 comment:

  1. So heartbreaking!

    I have no suggestion on how to convince her to sell her condo and move to where you guys are. I know people can be very stubborn about that.

    Wishing you guys the best through this difficult time.