Teething

Goose is teething. He is teething, but is a better teether (is that a word?) then Bug was. At least that’s what I keep thinking to myself in my sleep deprived haze that has been building up for the last 10 1/2 months. I know it’s true, he, in general, sleeps better than Bug did. But the weeks leading up to a tooth being cut are tough, and the week before and after are just brutal. I’m in the throes of that time. He just popped through teeth 3 and 4 and is working on 5 and 6. And I’m scared. The other night when he woke up the first time I dealt with something I don’t ever remember dealing with when it came to Bug, and she definitely was cause for severe sleep deprivation for a very long time. First, I didn’t really wake up to his cries. K did. Well, I guess I kinda did. I heard K ask a question about the cries, I think it was something along the lines of who it was that was crying, although I’m not sure. He said this morning that both kids were making noise, but I still don’t remember hearing Bug at all. K doesn’t typically wake up to it in the middle of the night in part because I'm so quick to wake up to him, so that makes me question how long Goose was fussing, and maybe that was why Bug was too – because she kept hearing Goose. In my sleep deprivation haze I couldn’t even function enough to understand that the noise I was hearing were a babies cries, and my husband asking who. He had to ask the question a couple of times while I tried so hard to dig through the haze to understand what was going on. I was confused. I finally got through and was able to advise that it was Goose. K left and went to care for him. What felt like a minute or 2 later (although K said it was 20 or so), K came back in and let me know he thought Goose wanted to nurse. I could hear Goose crying (again I believe?). I was oriented enough to go nurse him. But while I was nursing him I felt myself weaving in and out of confusion, weaving in and out of this haze. The best way I can explain it is to liken it to the stories I hear of people who have been in a coma, and how they explain of this haze, fog, muck all around them that they have to try to dig, crawl, fight through to get to the surface. I know sleep deprivation isn’t a coma, and please understand that I’m not trying to say my situation is anything like a coma. That is simply what it felt like. There was this haze all around me, and I kept feeling so lost and confused as I tried to dig my way through. I’d get through and recognize that I was holding a suckling Goose to my breast, and I’d close my eyes again and sometime later I’d realize I was deep in the fog again. I have no idea how long I sat there. It seemed like a long time. Finally I realized that he wasn’t nursing any more, and I had no idea when he had stopped. He was quiet and asleep in my arms. So I put him back in the crib, to which he woke up to. I stood there patting his bottom until I thought he was good. Then I went back to bed. Shortly after I heard him fussing again, but I didn’t have the energy to get out of bed, and it didn’t last long before he was back asleep. I know he woke up at least one more time, and I know the fog was there but I don’t think it was quite as bad. But I don’t really remember that wake up and nursing session. Maybe I’m getting them confused and that was the second nursing session and the first I remember even less. I really don’t know. The night was a confused hazy blur that honestly freaks me out a little bit. Here’s to hoping for some sleep tonight.

Oh the life of a pilots wife.... and TTC

So, we have a crazy month ahead of us. K is supposed to be released tomorrow, after being gone for 17 days. We're excited, to say the least.

Then.

Because there is always a Then with a pilot. He calls today to verify his rental car for tomorrow, and they tell him that they can't get it yet. Because, they haven't filled an overtime spot that they posted yesterday, and K is low man on the totem pole. Hello Junior Assigned - again - for the 8th month in a row. Junior Assigned basically means he just gets the crap that no one else wants, and is forced into it, which means more time away from home. They can keep him up to 20 days a month before the union contract stipulates that they have to send him home if he asks. Needless to say, if he's not done by Tuesday, he's going to ask.

Why?

Well, crap. We moved less than a month ago, and he left almost right after the move. So it's just been Bug and Me. I'll bet you can guess how much of my house still needs unpacked? Yep, lots. Not that it's a HUGE deal, we're getting by, and I try to get at least a little done every day.

However.

Let me tell you about my week coming up. I work everyday, until at least 5 - like normal. Then Monday and Tuesday evenings after work we are meeting up with potential babysitters (since we have no one else here to watch Bug, it's about time I have someone when needed!) Wednesday afternoon for work we are going to a ball game (I know, tough day), but who knows when I'll make it home from that. Thursday evening we have a work function that includes spouses...at a ball game (lol). Hence, the need for the babysitter. Then Friday, Nana (my mom) and one of K's friends are coming into town. Saturday my best friend C and her daughter are coming, as well as another friend A as well as K's mom and sister. Almost all of them are staying with us.

Yep, house NEEDS to be unpacked. At least mostly. One of the extra beds isn't even put together yet!!!

Sunday, we have Bug's baptism and a gathering for her birthday.

Monday Monday Monday - my little girl will turn 1!! I took the day off, and some of those out of towners coming in will be staying over too. I'm so excited! So much fun!!

So, why the TTC part? Well, we all know when K's job can keep him up to 20 days a month, it's gonna be a bit tough to make another baby through treatments. I'm not stressing about it yet, but I did have to change one of the appointments for next month from the 16th to the 17th because his travel is on the 16th. I told him he had to really kiss scheduling butt to make sure that he IS HOME for the appointments.

I left a message on Tuesday morning for the third office, and it was a double message. One to try to get them in my network as they are not, and two to set up a consult. Guess what? They haven't called me back. K and I agreed that if they can't call back for this, then how would we trust them with the important calls? So, we're just not going to see them unless we absolutely do NOT like one of the other offices/docs. It sucks because it's the office that came recommended to me. My friend loved the doc, but we all know that means nothing when it comes to the office staff. I refuse to have a crappy office staff at my fertility clinic. There are way too many emotions involved, way to much money being spent, and too much stress as it is - I'm not about to add a stressor of crappy office staff into the mix.  So, we'll do these first two visits and go from there!

I've spent a little time over the last few days putting together the gist of our IF history. Not just the basics (like when and what) but the details as much as I could find... what meds, the dosages, how long, dates... number of follicles, level of hormones, etc. I'm amazed at the amount of info that I still had! Not that they won't still need to get the records, but I'm pretty impressed with myself! I'm hoping this will help the consult go smooth!

OH - I almost forgot! Bug's been cranky lately (remember my inconsolable post?!) and a third tooth finally broke through last night! It's barely broken through, so sleep last night was still crappy, but I'm hoping that it'll be better now - even if only for a little while! She is so taking after me and being different already... First tooth was lower left, second was lower right. So, one would think that her third would be an upper, right? Nope, not my girl. She's got another on the lower left. Yep, three teeth - all on the bottom!!

Here's to being happy it's Friday!!

~Emms

inconsolable

Bug is. And has been all. Weekend. Long. I think she's teething again, but even when I'm holding her she's screaming her poor little head off. I don't know how to make her feel better, and am really struggling right now with the fact that this is one of those times that I cant make her feel better. Sometimes I can get her to relax on my chest, like now, but it takes a while and doesn't last long. My poor buggie. Needless to say, I'm very tired, and am saddened by the thought that I'm looking forward to work tomorrow for a reprieve. K isn't home until the 15 or so. Then I feel bad for complaining, there are so many people who would give the world to have this problem. I know, I was one of them.

Sorry for typos, I'm posting from my cell.

Budget

I'm a little stressed.  We move at the end of this month to our new rental house, which is about 2x the rent we are currently paying.  We don't have any renters in our house back home yet.  We still owe the hospital for our delivery in July (long story, but it was the hospitals fault, they basically forgot about our account, and who were we to complain?  Stupid me had to bring it back up to them... trying to do the right thing.... ugh), so we are going to start payments to them soon.  K's newest student loans are going to come back soon for payment.  And now we want to start fertility treatments again, specifically expensive IVF.

Ugh.

I know we will pull through, I'm just feeling a little crazed about it right now.  We are really good with our money, but it's hard when the budget says you won't be saving much of anything to speak of.  This will change a little once we get renters in the house, which we are hoping will be soon.  But the problem is the first two months of rent will pretty much go to the management company, so we won't see much until month 3. 

Argh.  Well, I'm a good budgeter/saver, and I know this so I know I can make it happen, but that doesn't help the stress level.  Especially since I can't control how much K spends when he's travelling.

On a good note, I called the Ped about Bug and her horrible sleeping the other day, and he thought it might be because we were trying to wean her off her reflux meds.  So, I upped the nighttime dosage and went back to giving her her morning dosage, and guess what?  The last two nights she has slept SOOOOO much better!!!  Woo Hoo! 

Which means Mama has slept better, which makes for a happy mama, and a healthier Starbucks budget :-)

Breastfeeding, Crawling, and everything in between

10 months.  I'm so proud that we've made it this far!  I struggled so much in the beginning, as I'm sure most BF'ing mama's can relate to.  I remember one night when Bug wasn't even a week old yet.  She was hungry, and crying.  She couldn't hardly stay awake to latch (jaundice).  I was engorged and sore.  I was crying.  K looked at me and told me that it was OK if I wanted to stop.  He would understand and not think less of me if I did.  All that did?

It reinforced that I would make it through.  And we did.  Breastfeeding now for 10 months.  We have dealt with thrush (numerous times), clogged ducts (a few times), engorgement, nipple bruising, and just plain tenderness.  We have been lucky to not deal with some of the worst things that mama's deal with.  I am thankful for that.

So at this beautiful 10 month mark, only 2 months away from my third goal (first was just doing it, second was 6 months), I reflect on the beauty of this relationship.  I reflect on the love of this relationship.  And I reflect on the sometimes absurdity on this relationship.

Every night when I get Bug ready for bed, I will have her sitting up while I start to get her dressed, and she'll bury her head in my cleavage.  I think she sometimes is in there motor boating!  She will THROW her head into my chest, to the point where you can hear the THUNK.  Wow, I think she likes to breastfeed.

This morning I couldn't help but laugh.  We had already nursed for the day, and I had just finished pumping her fresh bottles for daycare.  I hadn't gotten the girls put away and she had crawled over to me (oh yeah, that's new too.... more about that later), climbed into my lap, and latched on.  Mind you, it had only been about 20 minutes since she fully nursed, and well, there wasn't anything in there.  But, she thought she'd give it the old college try. So she would stop nursing, look up at me expectantly, smile, and latch back on.  All I could do was laugh. 

Oh yes, weaning should be SO much fun!!

I have given up telling stories like these to my coworkers (yes, we are an open group), because they keep harassing me to 'get her off the boob.'  Sorry people, that may have been right for you, but it's not for me.  A-breastfeeding we shall remain.

Crawling: So, she's been taking a few crawling 'steps' over the last handful of days, but then she will stop, sit back on her butt, and look around like 'what the heck was that?'  It's quite amusing if I do say so myself.  So on Wednesday I went to DC to nurse her at lunch and they said that was what she was doing there too.  K picked her up at the end of the day and she crawled across the room to get to him!  Apparently she had been moving all over the room all afternoon.

Humph.

So, I went out to dinner with my boss that night and therefore didn't get to see it.  Yesterday when I went to nurse her at lunch she just laid there and waited for me to pick her up.  So I said to her 'what, you'll crawl for dada but not mama?'  Then when K picked her up yesterday afternoon, she crawled across the room to him again.

Humph.

This is all on the tail of her babble finally turning into 'talking,' and of course, that includes a lot of dadadadadada and absolutely NO mamamama.

I see where this is going.  Freud is at work in her head.  She's already learning to love and want to marry her dada.  I thought that was supposed to wait until she was at least a little older?!

I'm in trouble.  She's already chasing one of the boys at DC around during the day to give him open mouth kisses.  OH boy.

Tooth number 2 is SO close, and thank God, because I could really really use some sleep.  Like, a lot of it.  I get goofy when I'm really tired, and suffice it to say, K has suggested I get coffee before work on a number of occasions this week, due to my extreme level of goofiness.  He's been getting serenaded at 7 in the morning with songs like the Bear Song (come on, you know you know it... the other day, I met a bear, up in the woods, oh way up there.....)

Ha, now you can have it stuck in your head too.  You're welcome.

~Emms

TEETH!!!

I'm amazed at how quickly this whole teething process seems to be going for us. Well, that's relative since we've had 6 weeks of not great sleep. But that not great sleep for the majority of that 6 weeks was adding in one MOTN wake up. Every few days it would be adding two. Sometimes I could get her back down without even picking her up, sometimes I would have to nurse her. It just depended.

So, as I posted on Monday, I really felt the sharpness of a tooth on Sunday, but It wasn't quite through the gums. Well, by Tuesday it was through. She's so darn cute when she smiles and has just that bit of tooth sticking out!! I now am pretty sure I'm feeling nub number two.

So, this morning, I'm getting ready for work and K is sitting on the bed holding bug and they're playing. It's super cute, but I'm half asleep and only half paying attention. Out of nowhere I hear "Ouch, you bit my nose! Why did you bite my nose? I don't think I like you having teeth!" I laughed so hard, especially when I looked over and there was K, pouting at Bug. Bug? She's got this big ol' smile on her face like she was the Queen of England.  Really, she was the Queen of K, since she had him pinned underneath her and obviously had him at her will with her biting and cuteness.

Now, so long as she keeps that to noses and leaves my poor nipples alone, I'll be happy!

I've been trying to get her to eat finger foods, and it has been amazingly unsuccessful. Well, she loves green beans, and we had some fresh ones with dinner the other night. So, I gave her some and she wouldn't put them in her mouth herself, but she would open her mouth for them. Swallowing? Well, that's debatable. Some of the pieces I found in her lap, some in her bib, and some went missing. Did she actually eat them I wonder? Or did the dog find them on the floor? I was eyeing B (the dog) suspiciously, trying to figure out who may have swallowed them. B just sat there, all pretty like, panting and staring at me. Bug just gave me grins. Mostly gummy, somewhat toothy, adorable innocent little grins. Then she stuck her hand in her mouth.

I'm still not sure who ate them. I hope it was Bug, cause they were really really good.

Tonight's dinner? Asparagus with hollandaise sauce, radishes and baked beets. We'll see if she'll eat any of the beets. Wish me luck!!

Teething

So, Bug's been sleeping pretty crappy for the last 6 weeks. First, she had an ear infection, so I attributed it to that. Poor kiddo. Then I couldn't figure out what it was. When I could get her tongue out of the way (I swear it doesn't fit in her mouth LOL), her gums weren't red or swollen. BUT, about a week and a half ago I finally felt the nub of a tooth. Well, the last few nights have been really bad, so yesterday I felt the razor sharpness of a tooth! Here's to hoping she's not a biter and my poor boobs can stay in one piece :-)

The cute gummy grin is going away to be replaced by an adorable toothy grin! Yeah for teeth, boo for crankiness LOL.

Needless to say, I've always been worried about using oragel. I'm afraid that she'll spit up (since she's a reflux baby) and I'll use to much and numb her gag reflex and it'll be disasterous. Well, after too many nights of no sleep, and a very cranky baby in the MOTN last night, I gave in and used it. Wow, oh the relief (and not just for her!!!) K was even being really good and trying to let me sleep since I had to work today, but that's pretty hard in a small apartment with a crying baby. I couldn't go back to sleep with that. Ah my poor sweetie.

We get to go sign the lease today on the new house, I'm SO excited.

On another note - AF still hasn't come. I spotted Friday, Saturday and a little bit on Sunday morning, but not any since. K doesn't really think anything of it, and I've never been a POAS'er, but I have to be honest... if she doesn't come full force by the time he leaves again around the first of the month, I might just have to give in... just in case LOL. I know that it's probably just my body working up to it, but it's all about the hoping LOL.