The heartbreak continues...

Last night we had to take Bug to the ER based on our Pediatricians recommendation. She was dehydrated. They kept her overnight, and as of 3:30 today we don't know if she'll be able to come home or not tonight.

When I left the ER with Goose I bawled my eyes out. K stayed with her at the hospital. Today he came home and spent a few hours with Goose so that I could go visit Bug. They capped her IV and I spent a few hours trying to get her to drink, but she wouldn't. And if she doesn't, it's another night in the hospital.

Let me back up.

 Last Friday Bug felt a little warm, but wasn't running a fever or acting strange, so we thought it was nothing. We also noticed that she had some bumps on her belly and a yeast infection in her diaper area. The bumps looked like she had honestly just gotten bit by a spider or something.

Saturday, I took the kids and my mom to a birthday party (oh yeah, I feel like SHIT about this, it was for a 1 year old!!). She ate lunch fine. Towards the end of the party my mom (who was minding Bug while I tended to Goose) brought Bug over and motioned to her head. I felt it and she was warm. She had been clingy with my mom while at the party, but that's not unusual as there were a lot of people there that she does not know. So we jetted out of there. She fussed part of the way home, slept the rest. When we got home she was running a 102 degree fever. Yikes. She didn't eat any dinner that night.

Sunday she seemed better in the morning, aside from not eating. As the day wore on she got more tired, more lethargic and started running a fever again. She had more bumps. Sunday night was horrible and K spent the majority of the night with her. Sunday night I found myself running a 102 degree fever, complete with body aches and chills. So I figured that we both had the flu. By this time she also had a cold sore on her lip.

Monday morning she was just as bad. No eating, she would only drink Ensure or yogurt, with a little water mixed in by this point. As was I with the continued symptoms and the inability to even keep a sip of water in my body. By Monday late morning we decided Bug needed to go to the doctors. Her ped only works part time, and not on Mondays, so we agreed to see a different one, which just happened to be our least favorite in the office. K took her in the afternoon. By this time I was starting to feel better, thank God, because the call that I got from Kev made me ill. 

He called and said they gave her a prescription for the yeast infection. Then he proceeded to tell me that she also had Herpes.

My world stopped turning, my stomach was suddenly in my throat and I think I stopped breathing. I had a death grip on poor Goose.  K caught me quick 'that sinking feeling you just got?' he said 'I got it too. Let me finish first.' He continued on to tell me that Herpes is not just the bad type that you think of (which I already knew) but can be caught from anywhere/anyone. She probably caught it by touching something that someone who had a weeping cold sore touched, and then putting her hands in her mouth. Probably her 1 day last week at daycare (although they advised me that they were not made aware of any issues).

He went on to tell me that the first outbreak is typically the worse, and that the INSIDE of her mouth, which I hadn't looked at, was COVERED in sores. Oh yeah, and she's HIGHLY contagious, so we have to keep the kids separated, to the extent of different parents, different bathrooms, different towels for drying hands, etc.

The part that made me really break down in the tears that had been threatening to overwhelm me was when the doctor advised that she was handling it like a true champ, that you wouldn't know just how much pain she was in by looking at her, but that she was, most likely in a TERRIBLE amount of pain. She gives us an antibiotic to keep her mouth from getting infected and her gums from rotting (her breath is already like death from these sores).

Queue tears. Heaving shoulders. I had to make a point of not keeping a death grip on goose as he nursed. Oh My God. How did I let this happen to my little girl? My baby? I know we didn't let it happen, I know there was nothing we could do, but it scared me. Queue additional freak out - the yeast infection down below? It's on the vagina, not the butt, and she's been itching and digging at it. Holy Shit, can she pass it down?

The answer is yes. We have not found any sores there yet, thank the Lord.

Monday night, Tuesday, Tuesday night, Wednesday morning... she keeps getting worse. The tylenol we're giving every 3 hours is now impossible to get her to take. She's thirsty but we're lucky to get a couple of drops of yogurt smoothies or pediasure in her.

So I call the doc to talk to her about it on Wednesday. She's hardly having wet diapers (only 1 minimally wet diaper between 2am weds morning and 5:30pm weds evening, when we again got a minimally wet diaper). The doc tells me she's not 100% sure it's Herpes and Bug's obviously heading to dehydration if she's not already there. Go to the hospital. So we do. She tells us to have them swab a sore to verify if it's Herpes or not, so they do. We won't have those results for another day or 2. She's hooked up to IV fluids to hydrate her. Then I have to leave. Because I have a 1 month old to care for, and I can't be at the hospital with him. I am heartbroken and break down again, huge wracking sobs, while a nurse tries to comfort me and remind me that Bug needs to be there, and we need to be at home. But my little girl, my baby girl, is SO sick, wants her mommy and I can't be there for her.

I'm a wreck. I wake up in the middle of the night with Goose and can't go back to sleep. The house is too empty, too quiet. I just want my whole family home.

Today I got to go visit her while K hung with Goose for a few and showered at home. She was still miserable. They capped the IV in hopes that she would start drinking again. As of my leaving an hour ago, she still had not. K is back with her. He is going to keep trying to get her to drink. If she does, she can come home. If not, she stays another night.

They've added in some medicine that helps numb her mouth in hopes it'll help with the pain and fluid intake. The doc that has been doing her care agrees that she's not so sure it's Herpes, so we'll see. Her age is working against us here. If it is Herpes we have to let it run it's course because the antivirals available aren't really OK for a 2 1/2 year old. If it's not then I have no idea yet what it means.

And of course, my biggest fear? That Goose has caught it. That he just hasn't started exhibiting symptoms yet. At a time when his immune system is at it's lowest point. I'm scared, scared to death of what it could do, what it could mean for him. And I just want my little girl to feel better. She's so contagious that she is quarantined at the hospital. Everyone who goes in her room gets all bundled up in these outfits and gloves. She has a sign on her door, and she's not allowed out of her room.

I hate this.

Getting Close!

Today I am 39 weeks 3 days pregnant.  Wow, where has the time gone?  I went in for my 39 week check up yesterday, and I was almost 4 cm dilated, and about 70% thinned out.  We did a NST because K20 hasn't moved as much recently, but all was good.  She asked how I felt about induction, and I told her that I didn't really want to be induced.  But, I knew it was an eventuality, so I told her that I was OK with her stripping my membranes to 'help' things along.  I recognize this will only help out if I am ready, so I am OK with that.  Well, I've been having BH contractions for months, and the last month or so they come pretty often, but they don't hurt, just a bit uncomfortable because my tummy gets so tight and the baby pushes on my bladder.  Well, after I got home last night they became a little more regular and a lot more uncomfortable,  even getting to the point of a little painful.

And then the crap hit the fan.  My mom called and said she was sick (she's Bug's babysitter when we go to the hospital).  So K and I discussed calling his mom to see if she'd drive here (about 1 1/2 hours) but decided not to as we knew my mom would be able to handle it, especially since Bug is a bit sick herself.

Then we got a call from his mom that we managed to miss.  Her message?  Simply that she was in the hospital.  So we frantically get a hold of her, and it turns out that she has 2 blood clots in her brain and is Neurological ICU awaiting surgery.  Um, yeah, that's a REALLY big deal.

Luckily the contractions died down.  K is visiting his mom right now, trying to find out everything he can (he's her medical POA) and be her support since none of his siblings live anywhere close.

Today I had some bloody show and lost a ton of my mucus plug - I can't imagine there's any of it left.  Contractions were back to 'normal' though, no real pain, just discomfort.

My mom is feeling better.

His mom is a scary waiting game, but hopefully her prognosis is good.  They think it's from a fall she took while walking her (big) dog.  (Mind you, the dog is good sized and she's only about 4ft10).  So it's been suggested she get rid of the dog (that's not gonna be easy for us to convince her).  But after K finds out all the medical stuff he's going to talk to a cardiac surgeon that he knows, and I'm going to talk to a nurse that I work with whose husband happens to be a neurosurgeon.  Hopefully all is well, even if she has to come stay with us for a little while.

When it rains, it pours, right?

But today still finds me pregnant, which has been a blessing with all else that is going on.  I have another appt on Monday, and if nothing has happened by then, I've agreed to schedule an induction at the end of next week.  I'm hoping I won't have to be induced, but we'll see how it goes.

I miss you all ~ I promise I'll get to be a better blogger and commenter again!!!

What's next?

Well, AF was supposed to show sometime mid week and she didn't.  I started spotting, but that was it.  So I called the RE's office and we had to reschedule my baseline for Tuesday.  It really works out OK, because they don't have the results of my cystic fibrosis test back yet, and won't until Monday.  They want to have that back before we move forward.

So I did finally start in the wee hours of the morning Saturday morning.  So, I'm ready.  I'm ready to get this show on the road!!  The nurse said she's going to try to convince the RE to let me start the Follistim the night of the ultrasound instead of waiting until Friday.  I hope she can.

So Tuesday.  Have my meet and greet with the wand, hopefully start stims, and make a nice big payment of $9,800.  Yep.  Sounds like Fun.

On another note, K and I got away for the weekend.  Nana watched bug and we headed to Indianapolis.  It was a really nice getaway and we got our taxes done.  Friday night we went out and had a real nice dinner at a habichi grill, then grabbed a beer within walking distance of our hotel.  We've been doing the Lupron shot at 9:00, so we were sitting outside with our beers and I gave myself the shot, just sitting at our table.  No one seemed to notice!  It was an awesome weekend.  I couldn't have asked for a better time.  It was refreshing to say the least, although I didn't get the good sleep I was hoping for.  Both K and I are sick and coughing like mad men.  So my first few hours of sleep each night was in the crappy lazy boy so that I could be partially sitting up.  Fun times.

So, the Lupron has not been enjoyable.  I've now got the Lupron headaches, which suck.  My past experiences tell me that they will go away once we start the stims, so hopefully in the next few days!

Nursing at Daycare

So, I have been extremely fortunate in that the daycare we put Bug in is very close to my work.  So, every day at lunch I go and nurse her.  I love it because I get to see all the different things that they do with the babies, I get to see the good and the bad days, and I've gotten to know the teachers really well.  Overall it's been a great experience, and I can probably count on less than two hands how many days I have not been able to go due to work duties interfering.

So, one day last week after I nursed her and was leaving she fussed a little.  This was new, but one of the teachers occupied her while I left and she was all good.

This weekend she go her oh so known congestion.  The congestion that comes about every few weeks, and last time she had it turned into Pneumonia.  Bummer.  Poor little thing. 

So, this morning she wasn't feeling real well.  That was evidenced in the number of times she woke up last night, which, of course, left mama tired this morning too.

I went to nurse her at lunch, and she had just spit up pretty much everything in her tummy shortly before.  Needless to say, she was hungry and NOT in the mood to wait for the letdown.  Finally she held on long enough between cries and got her letdown.  She fell asleep while nursing, so I put her in the crib and patted her back for a few before I got ready to leave.  She ended up waking up and crying before I had made it away from her crib.  As it wasn't her actual nap time, I went ahead and picked her up and calmed her down (because it was very very unhappy crying).  So, she calmed down and I snuggled with her a little more then passed her off to one of the teachers (that she normally loves!).  Bawling ensued.  I'm not sure if it's just because she doesn't feel well, or if the dreaded separation anxiety is hitting.  Or maybe a bit of both.  Either way, it was heartbreaking and I didn't like it.  Not. One. Bit.

My poor little buggy.  I really hate that I can't just make it all better.

K got the stomach bug that I had this weekend.  Except his only lasted 24 hours, lucky dog.  He was down for the count for that time frame though, poor guy... I felt his pain.  He apologized for not taking good enough care of me while I was sick, it was really cute.

He's out of here again Thursday morning.  Catching his flight out at 6:00am.  Luckily the crew security line goes fast, so he doesn't have to be there at like 4:00am.  But, I'm gonna really really miss him.  His due home date is 4/15, which is the day AFTER my birthday.  Oh well, that's how it goes.  I just hope that they don't keep him out again this month like they did last month.  I feel like we've only had about 2 weeks together in the last 9 weeks or so.

Ahh the life of a pilot's wife!!

~Emms