Adulthood

Tonight my maternity leave draws to an end.  

I'm sad.

In a lot of ways I look forward to going back to work, to having adult conversations with all different people, being productive in a work environment.  Yes, I even have to admit that it is nice to know that I won't be holding a screaming baby all day.

But.

I don't want to go back.  I don't want to be an adult again, I want to stay home and play with my babies.  I want to lavish them with love and remember not to get frustrated even if I'm tired (read exhausted).  I want to watch them grow up, watch Bug be a little mama to her brother, and watch all of Goose's firsts.  He started making noises this week, I mean other than crying.  He's really making chattering noises, and it's so cute and sweet.  

I don't want others raising my babies.  Especially not the daycare we are at.  We've been looking for another, but we don't HATE this one, and we can't find one that we like any better (that we can afford).  

Why can't we just be independently wealthy so that we can raise our babies ourselves, only work when we want to, and have an awesome part time nanny/babysitter for just when we need to get out of the house for a few hours?  I know, I'm dreaming, but I'll keep doing so.

K is a little nervous about me going back too.  He hasn't had both the kids by himself for any length of time since Goose has been born, and I know he recognizes it's hard.

Plus, Goose is a mama's boy.  I mean really, a huge mama's boy.  He cries and cries when anyone else is holding him, and tends to calm down when I hold him.  The other day my mom and K were commiserating about how Goose isn't all about them like he is me.  It's sweet and I love it, but I also wish he'd let others comfort him as well, as sometimes I could really really use the break.

So anyways, K is nervous.  He's going to do an amazing job as he's such a good daddy, but I understand his nerves (see paragraph above).  I already felt as though I didn't give Bug as much attention as I wanted to, and I imagine it won't be any easier for him as he learns his own ways to soothe Goose when I'm not around.

This is the end to a wonderful chapter in my life.  Unless God decides on a different type of miracle, we will not be having any more children.  So this is the last of the extended amount of time that I get to spend with my babies at home.  That makes me sad in so many ways.  

The tears haven't come yet, but I know they will.  Just as soon as it really really hits me.  I've been stressing about it, but I think I'm still trying to stay blind to the fact that I'm. Going. Back. To. Work. 

Boo.

Hating Daycare

So, before we moved we were in this great little family run christian daycare.  I knew all the teachers real well, and they all LOVED bug.  I mean really, who wouldn't love the infant and toddler that just LOVED to cuddle? I cried when I gave them our notice to leave.  It was SO hard.

So we found a daycare here and it didn't last long.  K was just getting back into work, so it was OK, we pulled her out and had her at home a week before starting at a new place.  We liked this one pretty good, it is part of a Montessori school.  There is a 1:7 ratio for her age, and there are 3 'classes' in one big room that is separated with low walls so all the kids can kind of see each other.  It's an interesting set up.

But then it happened.  The first bite.  We didn't think anything of it at first, I mean, our hearts hurt because we didn't want her to get bit, but it was OK.  But then it happened again.  And again.  And again.  It started happening more and more.  The teachers weren't catching it every time, so we weren't always getting incident reports.  We would get home and change her diaper or get her ready for bed and find them.  Bug is so sweet natured, this was NOT OK.  So we complained.  A couple of times to the teachers in the room (did no good) and finally to the office.  They said at the time it was mostly one kid, but there was another that had been part of the problem.  Nothing got done.

A new teacher started a couple of weeks ago and K and I starting talking about our options.  I typically pick her up, but he did on Friday, and on his way down the hall he could hear bug crying.  He walked in the room to  find the little boy that we have figured out to the be the one that mostly bites her, and he has her PINNED to the ground, biting, while the teacher is sitting off to the side.  This is NOT acceptable.  K scoops her up and immediately goes to the office to talk to them.  I'm pissed.  K is pissed.  We agree to get serious about finding her a new daycare.  In the meantime, she has to continue going because we have no other options.  So she goes Monday.  I get there to pick her up, and the office manager is in her room.  She proceeds to tell me that she has spent the day there, presumably to figure out what to do to fix this issue.  Then she informs me that yes, Bug was bit, again that day.  I start bawling, tell her it's unacceptable, that we're looking at leaving, and that I'm pregnant again and can't stand the though of either of my babies dealing with this.  She is very empathetic, but it's beyond that for me.

So, bug goes back yesterday.  By 10:00am I get a call from the office manager that she's been bit, again.  She then informs me that she moved her to a different group.  Mind you, this is all in a message.  So when I get there to pick her up I find out her new teacher, whom I like and can tell adores Bug.  I ask her if it's permanent, because I expect it to be.  I kind of fill her in on what's been going on, which she isn't aware of, but she is aware of the fact that I threatened to leave.  She takes me to the office manager to discuss the move being permanent.  She agrees that it will be.

But I'm still done.  We are in the process of finding her a new place, but at least for now the hope is that the bites will stop as she is separated from the little boy who is torturing my sweet hearted little girl.  The last couple of weeks she has been going down for sleep tough, she has started waking up at night again, and has started to cry when K drops her off at daycare.  It's obvious to me that the biting is part of it, she doesn't feel safe there anymore (although admittedly I do also think her eye teeth are finally coming in).

So right now, she has 5 healing bites that you can still see, 2 on her right arm, one on her cheek, and two HORRIBLE ones on her back.  That's just from this week.  That doesn't count the 3 that are pretty much gone from Friday.

Call me judgmental.  I know kids bite, but this, to me, is a cry for attention from that little boy.  Biting some is one thing, but if he is biting Bug this much (sometimes upwards of 7 times in a 3 day period), you know he has to be biting others too.  I have never felt such bad feelings towards a kid that, at most, is 26 months old.  I'm trying to forgive him and ask God to help his family get past whatever it is that causes this little boy to act out.  I'm trying.  But right now, I just feel bad feelings towards him and the way he is bullying my daughter at this tender age.  It's NOT OK.

I blame the daycare for not coming up with a better solution sooner.  I have a bad taste in my mouth now about this daycare, for not DOING SOMETHING until I forced their hand.  But now it's too late.  We are going to leave, it's just a matter of when.

I love my little girl so much, and it hurts me to see her hurt.  (and it's not cool that we look like abusive parents either, he pretty much gave her a black eye about a month ago by scratching her, and all weekend we were stared at like the worst parents ever.)

Calling all pilot's wives... with children!

How do you make it all work, if you also work?  I am a manager, and have to travel.  So far, we've been able to make it work because the travel has been to Toledo (where my MIL lives) or Cleveland (where my parents live) and they were able to watch Bug. 

However, Wednesday night K got called in for a flight, leaving that night and getting home today (Friday).  Problem was, I was supposed to leave for work at 5:30 in the morning (had to travel about 2 1/2 hours away) and daycare doesn't open until 6:30.  I ended up having my portion of a presentation switched so that I would go last.  I literally was waiting in the parking lot at daycare when they opened, had already filled out the form (took one home the night before) and just dropped it all off and hit the road.  It was stressful, and depending on what I was traveling for, may not work out the way it did in the future.

I have no other family around, and am just starting to make friends here, so none that I would feel comfortable (yet) calling and asking for help with the baby while I travel....

So, how do you make it work if/when you run into situations like this? 

Nursing at Daycare

So, I have been extremely fortunate in that the daycare we put Bug in is very close to my work.  So, every day at lunch I go and nurse her.  I love it because I get to see all the different things that they do with the babies, I get to see the good and the bad days, and I've gotten to know the teachers really well.  Overall it's been a great experience, and I can probably count on less than two hands how many days I have not been able to go due to work duties interfering.

So, one day last week after I nursed her and was leaving she fussed a little.  This was new, but one of the teachers occupied her while I left and she was all good.

This weekend she go her oh so known congestion.  The congestion that comes about every few weeks, and last time she had it turned into Pneumonia.  Bummer.  Poor little thing. 

So, this morning she wasn't feeling real well.  That was evidenced in the number of times she woke up last night, which, of course, left mama tired this morning too.

I went to nurse her at lunch, and she had just spit up pretty much everything in her tummy shortly before.  Needless to say, she was hungry and NOT in the mood to wait for the letdown.  Finally she held on long enough between cries and got her letdown.  She fell asleep while nursing, so I put her in the crib and patted her back for a few before I got ready to leave.  She ended up waking up and crying before I had made it away from her crib.  As it wasn't her actual nap time, I went ahead and picked her up and calmed her down (because it was very very unhappy crying).  So, she calmed down and I snuggled with her a little more then passed her off to one of the teachers (that she normally loves!).  Bawling ensued.  I'm not sure if it's just because she doesn't feel well, or if the dreaded separation anxiety is hitting.  Or maybe a bit of both.  Either way, it was heartbreaking and I didn't like it.  Not. One. Bit.

My poor little buggy.  I really hate that I can't just make it all better.

K got the stomach bug that I had this weekend.  Except his only lasted 24 hours, lucky dog.  He was down for the count for that time frame though, poor guy... I felt his pain.  He apologized for not taking good enough care of me while I was sick, it was really cute.

He's out of here again Thursday morning.  Catching his flight out at 6:00am.  Luckily the crew security line goes fast, so he doesn't have to be there at like 4:00am.  But, I'm gonna really really miss him.  His due home date is 4/15, which is the day AFTER my birthday.  Oh well, that's how it goes.  I just hope that they don't keep him out again this month like they did last month.  I feel like we've only had about 2 weeks together in the last 9 weeks or so.

Ahh the life of a pilot's wife!!

~Emms