Senility

It's like it's a dirty word.

A horrible dirty word.

We lost K's dad 9 years ago this month, he passed from sepsis, but it was exacerbated by his morbid obesity and other health issues.

K's mom is a sweetheart.  I really love her and feel lucky that I got such an awesome extended family when I met, and then married K.

Which makes it that much more heartbreaking as I watch her walk the line, dancing from side to side, heading into some type of senility/dementia.

It's gotten worse over the last 5 or so years.  2 years ago she had a blood clot removed from her brain - but it was (thankfully) more on the outside of her skull.  It was right before Goose was born.

Sidetrack for a minute - Goose isn't Goose anymore.  He's bubba now.  I'll tell that story later.

Anyways.

Her memory got worse after her surgery.  It didn't surprise any of us, it was kinda expected based on the fact that she had pretty major brain surgery.

But the last year has been really bad.

About a month ago she went to bed at 8 one night, got up around 10 and put the dog in the car to take her to doggy daycare.  She thought it was morning.  She 'hit a curb' doing '30 miles an hour'.  The airbag went off.  The car is totaled.  It was a 2 year lease, about 4 days away from her turn in date.  She honestly has NO CLUE what happened, how it happened, or really where she was (or if she had gap insurance for that matter).  She went to court.  And kept her license.

Her doctor started telling her 2 years ago that he doesn't think she should drive.  She wants a new car. Every one of her kids (there's 4 of them) have tried (using different methods) to convince her not to.  But she a) doesn't want to lose her independence and b) doesn't typically remember the conversations.  We had a long conversations (2 of her kids and me) with her on Christmas about it, and about all the options she has to get all around so that she doesn't need a car.  The next day she barely remembered the conversation.

For Christmas, K drove the 2 hours to where she lives and picked her up, together they took her dog to doggie daycare, and then he brought her here.  I picked up my brother in law from the airport, and we beat K and their mom by about 10 minutes.  When they walked into the house, my mother in law looked at my brother in law (her son) and said 'Hi, I'm K's mom'  the room went silent.  We all thought she was joking.

She wasn't.

We had to point out to her that it was her son.  It was heartbreaking.

The next day she was telling my brother in law something and she said 'oh never mind, I told you that already when you picked me up.'  He didn't.  K did.

On Saturday the boys took her back home, and picked up the dog from doggy daycare with her.

On Monday, on the 8th call of the day to K (yes, this is normal) she mentioned that her car (that's been totaled) was out at doggie daycare being fixed.  K was quite confused and questioned her about it - reminding her that her car had been totaled.  She questioned then how did the dog get out to doggie daycare over the weekend?

These are only a couple of the most recent examples.  It's heartbreaking, and scary.  She's only 62 or 63.  But her mom had severe dementia, and one of her sisters has just been accepted into a clinical trial at Cleveland Clinic for dementia of some form or another.

We are looking at trying to convince her to sell her condo and move into independent/assisted living out here near us.  We'd see her more, which I think would be good for everyone.  We are the closest to her other than her daughter, who is quite not right - a lot because of her emotionally abusive husband (more on that in other posts).  We are trying to do it from the stance of 'it's her decision' since that seems to be how she seems most receptive.

I'm sad, and scared.  We're in the best position to take care of her.  And out of the 4 kids, only 2 of them really should be the ones in consideration anyways (did I mention that the oldest son wouldn't fly out to see her after brain surgery even though the youngest brother was going to pay for the ticket???)

Any suggestions?  Idea's on how in the world to convince her to sell her condo and move here?  We gotta make it happen.  Otherwise people, I honestly fear for her safety and wellbeing.

Where have I been?

I forgot how tough school was.  I really did.

Every. Single. Waking. Moment (that wasn't spent on kids of course) was spent on schoolwork.  Studying, homework, quizzes, reading, you get the gist.

I finished my first semester back for my MBA with 2 A's.  I'm a proud person right now.  I'm showing my kids how hard work and determination can get you whatever you want out of life.  I'm showing them that education is important.

But I'm learning to balance it all.  And it's a balance.

There have been moments where I let my kids watch too much TV because I needed to get in some studying.

I've given up my precious sleep (and trust me, I need it) to get in more studying.

I've given up the limited time I have with K, all in the name of studying.

It's not easy, but it will be worth it in the end.

The next semester starts in just over a week.  I'm trying not to stress, but wind up at the same time.  I spent tonight reading the first chapter in my Economics book.  Scintillating I tell you.

Christmas was great.  We typically have a low key, just us holiday.  But this year my brother in law came to visit for the first time in 2 years.  So that started everything - we added in my mother in law, my parents and my brother.  It was wonderful seeing everyone, having people here, and enjoying the holiday in a house filled of family, laughter, food, and drink.

It was especially nice to see my brother in law.  He's doing really good right now, happy with the girl he's dating.  There's nothing I want more than to see that man happy.  We've had our ups and downs since we met 15 years ago (after K and I started dating), but he's such a good guy, and he's really K's best friend, and always has been.

My kids were spoiled, both with the tangible (thanks brother in law mentioned above, and yes, ourselves to an extent) and the intangible (TIME!!!  Time with us all!!!).  K was home for both Thanksgiving (which we also hosted, but just my parents and brother) and Christmas.  It's insane that his new(ish) job he's got top seniority - the positive about flying one of the planes that has a smaller fleet, but still enough pilots to not screw him.

He was gone for new years, but let's be honest, I haven't watched the ball drop in years - babies that don't sleep the best and a mama who needs lots of sleep don't really allow that to happen.

The positive is that he'll be home Tuesday, and Wednesday we'll be leaving for Disney World!

So cheers, I hope your holidays went well!!!

(and Becky - thanks for asking  - Bug's speech continues to improve everyday!!  It's AMAZING!!  Although interestingly, I swear she's taken a step or 2 back after being off for 2 weeks... I practice with her and can't help but wonder if it's normal??)