infertile thoughts

So, my period is late. For a fertile woman, this would possibly signal a blessing on the way. For an infertile like myself it means a month of even worse disappointment because i am hoping, and praying, that maybe a miracle happened and i am pregnant. The rational part of me realizes that the immense stress i am under, the uptake in bugs nursing and the fact that i have only had AF back for 6 months is the cause of this delay. I thought about testing, but i cannot handle the disappointment of the negative that i know i will see. It is so tough being back in this position, wanting to be pregnant, not using birth control, but playing the waiting game while we move and find a new RE.

So today i had to go to the doctor for an infection and a lump in my naval. Strange, right? I have no idea how it happened, and the doctor was curious too. She took a swab to send out and gave me an antibiotic. So in the process she asks when my last period was. So of course i had to tell her it was 6 weeks ago and i am late. I quickly followed up with a quick explanation that we struggle with infertility so chances are that i am NOT pregnant. They talked about doing a pregnany test, but i refused. So she gave me an antibiotic that is ok with nursing and pregnancy 'just in case' in her words.

Salt in the wound.

And the Duggars are pregnant again, WTF.

Some of the other random stuff going on:

-i took the GMAT and did HORRIBLE. For someone who graduated with honors in HS and her bachelors, that sucks.

-i have one week left of work here before we move. I am excited and nervous. I am looking forward to the holidays with my family.

-K should be home the end of next week. He has been gone 6 insanely long weeks. I cannot wait!!

-bug slept through the night Tuesday night. But was back to waking up a number of times a night after that. I was thankful for that one night!

I know theres more, but i cant think of them right now.

Last Night

So Kev had to leave at about 3:00am last night/this morning to catch his plane to Philly.  Bug was hungry about 1:30, and I was just falling back to sleep when his alarm went off around 2ish.  So then I was awake the whole time he was getting ready.  By the time he left, I was unfortunately, wide awake.  But I laid in bed, hoping that sleep would come.  Finally about 5:00 I turned off my alarm and just started surfing the web on my cell.  Bug wanted to eat again around 5:20 or so, and we fell asleep together (finally!) in bed until about 6:45.  I don't normally sleep with her in my bed, but it was SO needed, and she slept too.  She's the best cuddler around!!

So when I went to nurse her at lunch, they said she'd been a pill all morning.  Just cranky in general.  She finally quieted down for them when they put her in a bouncer and left her alone.  My bug just needed some her time I think!  Ha ha.

I'm gonna miss Kev this week.  He's been home for almost 3 weeks, and I'm not used to that.  It was SO nice to have the help around the house and taking care of Bug.  I've eaten better and everything!  It was like to prove a point... after I was running late this morning, I was just getting Bug bundled up and she pooped.  A nice big blow out diaper.  Fun stuff.  Had to change EVERYTHING.  Of course, we have recently started her on solids, so it was nice and green and stinky, but still runny.  HA on you Mama!

So solids.  We started on Rice cereal a little over a week ago.  The first two days or so she pushed it out.  Then she caught on, and started opening her mouth as the spoon got close!  It's so cute, because she will make noises as the spoon gets close too.  It's so funny!

So on Friday, we added in some peas.  She liked them at first, then we got treated the the funniest faces as she was thinking that maybe she didn't like them so much!  Ha ha, she was covered in green peas a couple of days in a row!  She seems to like them now, so that's cool.  Couple more days of peas, then onto Green Beans!  I'm still not sure how much I'm loving adding these foods in yet, but she was ready for sure.  Gotta let her lead the way in terms of when she's ready for the real thing and not just breastmilk. 

Hasn't helped her sleep any longer.  Oh well, I still feel lucky that she only get's up once a night most nights, then is up for the day typically between 5 and 6.

Oh how I love her!